Procrastination Central

Take Action on Junk Mail!

2010-09-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever opened your mailbox to find it bulging with flyers, brochures and newsletters. . . none of it addressed to you? Or an avalanche of credit card approvals and catalogues in your name, all unsolicited? Does your local newspaper come with more flyers than news articles? If you are frustrated by the waste of paper and ink, but don't have the time to phone each company directly, here are some easy ways to drastically reduce your junk mail quandary.

Stick a note on your mailbox requesting "no unaddressed admail." Read the particulars on the Canada Post website.

If you need a waterproof sticker, many environmental groups can send you one for free or for a nominal fee, like Green Calgary or the Red Dot Campaign. It's a good idea to send Canada Post this letter as well.

Canada Post is legally obligated to deliver addressed items (solicited or not), so you have to stop it at the source. To hit up to 800 corporate birds with one stone, register for the Canadian Marketer's Association Do Not Contact Service.

Even with a sticker, some items including community newspapers will still arrive. . . advertising contents included. Fortunately many community newspapers will send you their paper without the flyers and inserts on request. Look up their number and give them a call.

Doesn't that make you feel better already?

Fringe! Who wants to come with me?

2009-08-27T16:26:00.001-07:00

Hello possible Fringe buddies!

Sept 2 update: shows I've seen and my recommendations in red below!

I went to the Fringe festival preview night last night, and it was like being a kid in a candy store. Listed below in roughly the order of my interest, are the 14 shows I want to see most. 12 of them had fantastic previews (that is like 30%, so no I’m not even pimping all of them). The other two on the list were held over in Edmonton, so I forgive them for not churning out a preview.

Courtesy of my buddy Nic, the technical lead for Venue 1, I have three fringe buttons. This means two people can go with me at a time without getting their own (saving $5 if they weren’t going to get one anyways). The shows are never more than $9, and are usually an hour long. Most of them have 6 show times, and we should be able to buy tickets at the door of all but the most popular shows without waiting more than half an hour for the final showings.

Think of it – cheaper than a movie! In 3D without the glasses! Check out the shows, see the Schedule for the show times or consult the booklet, and get back to me. My number is 250-882-7094, and I will check this email from home over my 4-day weekend. Fringe starts tonight and goes until Sept 6, so you can totally fit one in!

The Honeymoon Period is Officially Over
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue07.php#38

Caburlesque!
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue02.php#25
Pretty good, excellent singing, a good dancer . . .

Uncalled For Presents: Today is all your birthdays!
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue04.php#43
Fantastic! My favourite so far. Funny and accessible. I'd see it again!

Shortened
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue07.php#53
Funny, with a great dance montage sequence at the end. Recommended.

The War of 1812
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue10.php#21
The topic was good, and the comedy was better. Even my American date liked it!

Straight (from that side of town)
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue06.php#48
My only miserable Fringe experience so far. SO not what I'd hoped for. Brock was horrified. It was so bad he doesn't want to talk about it.

The Accident
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue02.php#18

Missed Connections
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue01.php#13
Cute, funny, and that mime barely shows up at all. Recommended.

Collette Unplugged
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue01.php#11

Fall Fair
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue03.php#30

The Power of Ignorance
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue07.php#20

It’s Probably Love
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue05.php#45

Two to Django
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue09.php#60

Burlesque Unzipped
http://www.intrepidtheatre.com/fringe2009/venue07.php#56

Cheers!
-Lindsay

Canoeing!

2009-08-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

One of my friends, Margaret Archer, just completed the Bowron Lake Canoe Circuit (A BC Provincial Park thing near ) and after looking at the Facebook pictures, I want to go try it NOW. I also assume that I should perhaps canoe once or twice, first . . . so I'm guessing I might actually try such a thing no sooner than nine months from now. Anyone else interested?

http://www.bcadventure.com/adventure/explore/cariboo/trails/bowron.htm
http://www.env.gov.bc.ca/bcparks/explore/parkpgs/bowron_lk/

Bowron Lake Park is located about 120 kilometers east of Quesnel, past Barkersville, which I would also like to see. http://www.barkerville.ca/plan_visit.htm

I know it sounds goofy to look so far ahead for an adventure, but if I'm hoping to solicit people from different provinces for a reunion, I had better start now!

Cheers,

-Lindsay

Text to Email and Back Again

2009-08-24T11:20:00.001-07:00

How to spam your friends and coworkers with texts, from your email or from their service provider webpage. It’s FREE . . . on your end at least.
I have the instructions for Telus, Bell and Rogers email-to-text. If you know the drill for other providers, please comment below.

Telus:
You can send a message to any TELUS Mobility digital PCS or Mike phone or alphanumeric pager from your computer using e-mail. Just address the message to 10digitmobilenumber@msg.telus.com (e.g., 4031234567@msg.telus.com)

Bell:
Each Bell Mobility cell phone has a unique e-mail address: (10 digit cell phone number)@txt.bell.ca. For example, 4165555555@txt.bell.ca
Reply to the message as you would any other text message

Rogers:
1) Your phone's e-mail address is your10digitphonenumber@pcs.rogers.com2) You will receive a 'Message Alert' when an e-mail is sent to your phone.3) Simply reply to the Message alert* if you want to receive the message, or block the sender from sending you future messages.

Messaging from the service provider websites could be handy too, though with Rogers you must be a Rogers client, and sign up to receive a code on your cell/BB before you send your first message.
http://websms.rogers.page.ca/2way/
http://www.telusmobility.com/sendamessage/sendamessage.shtml
http://www.txt.bell.ca/bell/en/

Harbans Dosanjh's Dahl

2009-08-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Done correctly, simple dahl (stewed and curried beans, normally served with either rice or chapatti) is one of the most economical and popular dishes on the planet. This recipe is from chef Harbans Dosanjh of UVic's International Grill, as printed in the Monday Magazine. If only they printed the recipe for the mint chutney, too!

Preparing good dahl is easy, Dosanjh maintains, so long as you pay careful attentive to what you’re doing. “When I’m cooking, I put my mind and soul into it.” In terms of method, she plays up the importance of rinsing the beans in advance (which cuts down on some of the, uh, breezy after-effects of bean consumption). She also uses the tarka method, where a spiced oil mixture is prepared separately from the beans then added at the very end.

Harbans Dosanjh’s Dahl
• 1 cup red lentils
• 1 cup yellow split peas
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 ½ tsp salt
• 2 tbsp vegetable oil
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped finely
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1 knob of ginger, diced (about one square inch)
• 1 tsp crushed dried chiles
• ½ tsp chili powder
• ½ tsp paprika

Soak lentils and split peas in warm water for 15 minutes. Drain and rinse them then add them to a thick-bottomed pot with 6 ½ cups of water, the salt and turmeric. Bring this mixture to a boil then simmer, uncovered, for 15-20 minutes (until the beans have become soft).

Meanwhile, heat the oil in a pan and fry the onions, garlic and ginger together for 5-10 minutes, until lightly browned. Add the crushed chiles, chili powder and paprika to the onions and continue to fry for 30 seconds longer while stirring. Add the onion mixture to the beans with a pinch of garam masala, stir well, and you’re ready to go.

Ling 361 Presentation

2008-03-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

Journal article review PowerPoint of
"Language choice as a means of shaping identity" by Janet M. Fuller
Presentation by Julie, Lindsay and Caitlin

LING 376 and Ling 375 presentations online

2008-03-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

Linguistics 376 Presentation:
"Teaching ESL at home and abroad" by Michelle, Lindsay, Sandra, Dale and Shannon given March 25

Linguistics 375 Presentation
"Review of Learner English: a teacher's guide to interference and other problems" by Chris and Lindsay

Linguistics 375 Presentation
"Chapter 8: Bilingual Syllabus"
by Chris and Lindsay

LING 376 LINKS

2008-03-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

Dave’s ESL Café

http://www.eslcafe.com/

AAC

(China, Japan, Korea, Taiwan)

http://www.aacircle.com.au/

Transitions Abroad

http://www.transitionsabroad.com/listings/work/esl/articles/workinasia.shtml

ESL Job Find

http://www.esljobfind.com/

Serious Teachers

http://www.seriousteachers.com/

Saxon Court Schools

http://www.saxoncourt.net/index.php

Going Global

http://www.overseasdigest.com

http://www.associatedcontent.com/

Inlingua, Linguarama, and Berlitz are reputable and have schools throughout Europe.

Some reputable schools by country:

Leipzig Language Service (Germany), Le Comptoir des Langues (Paris, France), Royal School of Languages (Portugal, Germany), any school that is a member of AISLI, the Associazione Italiana Scuole di Lingua Inglese (Italy), BKC International (Russia), English First (Russia)

http://www.embassyworld.com/ –> a list of ALL of the world’s embassies in one
database

http://www.swap.ca/out_eng/destinations/ireland.aspx –> information about Ireland’s working holiday visa program

www.visarus.co.uk –> continuously updated directory of schools in Moscow and St. Petersburg, with phone numbers and addresses

http://www.nextstepabroad.com/Site/abroad/working-holiday-eligibility.aspx –>A list of countries that have working holiday visas available for citizens of specific countries

http://www.esljobs.com/ –> Very helpful index of jobs from around the world, separated by continent

http://www.lingobongo.com/madrid/ –>index to various language schools in Spain

http://www.simplyesl.com –> Go to their job board

http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/ –> very helpful travel information, sorted by destination. Gives detailed descriptions of relevant diseases.

http://www.transitionsabroad.com/listings/work/esl/teaching_english_in_europe_top_jobs.shtml –> list of ‘Top Jobs’ teaching ESL or EFL in Europe.

Books:

Teaching English in Europe, Susan Griffith (Book)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/

A BBC site for learners and teachers of English, includes lessons, quizzes, and more.

http://www.english-to-go.com/

A provider of English training resources delivered via the Internet.

Resources are used by more than 55,000 teachers in 190 countries reaching over one million students worldwide. Up-to-date resources based on Reuters® news articles.

www.langsols.com/html/index.htm

This is a company based in London called Professional Language Solutions. This is a good solid company to check out if you want to teach professionals in business. “Professional Language Solutions has its Group Headquarters in London, and a significant presence in the Southern Mediterranean, Caspian and North African regions, with our own training centres in Italy, Spain, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Algeria and Saudi Arabia.”

http://www.cpltraining.co.uk/international/teacher-recruitment

is another UK based service operation, it recruits English language teachers from around the world on behalf of clients.

www.escapeartist.com

Expatriate Resources & Resources for Global Relocation

http://www.english-international.com/

good for Canadians and Americans interested in teaching English overseas. Includes an overview of the job market, and special pages for Regional Job Markets.

http://www.esljobs.com/

ESL job listings around the world.

http://www.voyage.gc.ca/consular_home-en.asp

Foreign Affairs and International Trade Canada, provides essential information for Canadians abroad. Everything you need to know from travel warnings, health issues to consider, registration with Canadian offices, global issues, cultural insights, visa requirements, and much more. Essential site to check out.

http://www.statcan.ca/english/freepub/62-013-XIE/2008003/priv-en.htm

This is the Statistics Canada Foreign Post Indexes, which are calculated to establish and adjust the Post Living Allowance (PLA) paid to Canadian government employees serving outside Canada. They are comparative measurements that numerically express the difference between the retail prices of a representative basket of goods and services at a foreign location with prices for a similar basket of goods and services in Ottawa.

So, if you figure out what it all means, you can sort out if your job pays enough for you to get by.

http://www.destineducation.ca/pdfs/witwigo_e.pdf%20

Cumyn, Alan. 2001. What in the World Is Going On? A Guide for Canadians Wishing to Work, Volunteer or Study in Other Countries. Ottawa, ON: Canadian Bureau for International Education.

http://www.workingoverseas.com/

4th ed. Canada: Intercultural Systems/Systèmes interculturels (ISSI)

http://www.africa.upenn.edu/Travel/Employment_9976.html

A good listing of places to look for jobs in Africa.

http://www.etni.org.il/index.html

An Israeli site for teaching ESL.

Teaching English Overseas: A Job Guide for Americans and Canadians, Jeff Mohamed (Book)

So . . blogging is out, facebook is in

2007-07-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

Heya people,

So, I have the feeling that my blog isn't the only one that has suffered since Facebook arrived on the scene. It's not like my blog was particularly well kept . . . quite the contrary . . . but at least I used to check other people's blogs. Now I'm lucky if I can even remember what their addresses are. And it's not like I'm even a big Facebook user - three times a week is lots in my books. But it is easier to have a convo on there with someone who isn't necessarily online at the same time you are. What did I use before Facebook for that, other than messages on blogs? Email, you say? Yeah, too much of a pain in the butt to remember email addresses as well as the last thing you told the person . . .

Information Safety

2007-04-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, my current bf doesn't want his picture on facebook, uses his visa as little as possible, and gives out as little information as he feasibly can. He hates the idea that people are tracking his purchases, noting his habits, and so on. Now it's not that I'm fond of the idea . . . you'll notice that I use nicknames and general rather than specific area indicators this blog and perhaps elsewhere on the internet. I NEVER carry around my SIN card - hey, I'm lucky if I can find it once a year when I need it. But I still use that visa (hey, no credit will stop me from getting a mortgage just as fast as getting
my identity stolen) and I still joined facebook, though I futzed with the options so only my accepted friends view my profile and friend list.

I figure that, especially given the lavish student life which I indulge in . . . heh . . . my identity has no particular draw for someone wanting a new one, my student credit card isn't going to get anyone very far, and there are many people who are far less careful about the info they toss around the ether than I am. Safety in numbers, and I swim along in a very large school of fish. I know I should get a little more savvy about these things . . . but I don't feel much
pressure to do so until I have more to lose.

What do you guys recommend I do to cut down on my electronic info trail? I guess the most paranoid of you aren't going to post about it, but any hints will be appreciated. I already falsify info in most of those 'required information' fields. Hey, it is never
too early to falsify your age . . . and the address I use when I can is an old one, where the shared-owner landlord turned out to be a dick. But apart from that, things aren't too paranoid around here,
though perhaps they will get a bit more so . . .

Going nuts, awful stats project driving me to an advanced state of resigned misery

2007-03-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

. . . so I came up with this in five crafty min out of self pity.

Ode to my stats project and co-sufferers in Bio 330

Sick of being tired and tired of being sick
alternately wired then molasses-slow and thick
why is it always something? why can't I just chill?
instead of always stressing till the point that I feel ill

Does everybody get this? are your teeth grinding too?
masking the wild with a calm face
facing the wild with a calm farce
act like you're mild though your hearts race
that's what we all do

Oh yeah, originally 'molasses' was 'sluglike', but barring limericks, anything with a slug in it just can't be that poetic, right? Though slugs fit in well with the theme of misery . . .

Melly and Konrad's visit

2007-03-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

An old friend from my exchange year in Germany (2000/2001) came to visit me on Vancouver Island for the second time last week. The first time Melly and Susi stayed with my family for over a month. This time she stayed for a week with her boyfriend, Konrad, and we didn't get to do nearly enough catching up and bumming around, though it was still fun. Unfortunately I had tons of midterms, so I farmed them out to the parents for two nights, and set them up with old friends that Melly remembered from 5 years back on her first visit. Naturally I went around with them a bit as well, despite the homework pileup . . . and I don't regret it.

She's putting pictures from her stay up on a subset of her Melly in Canada blog.

If you want to take a look at them, I'll send you the password (ask me in a 'comment').

Suddenly the trees have leaves!

2006-11-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know it is fall, and the trees are usually thought of as LOSING their leaves at this point . . . but in fact, I'm seeing more leaves than I have in a while. So, figured out the riddle? Well, I got glasses. It's not like I desperately need them for anything other than class . . . but in the larger lecture halls I was lost if I sat more than 4 rows back. Of course, for a while I just thought that my prof had lousy resolution on her slides. That lasted until I commented on the resolution to a friend sitting beside me. She was like, umm, hate to break it to you . . . just try these. She held out her glasses, and I put them on assuming I would prove her wrong. But no, the world suddenly snapped into perfect focus, even the world on the screen 30 metres away. She assured me that her glasses were the lowest prescription that her optometrist said he gave out, but daaaamn, I was still horrified.

I thought that I had totally lucked out, considering that my parents both had coke-bottle glasses by the time they were in junior high. Nope, apparently I only prolonged my descent into assisted vision. But it makes things like trees - previously seen across the road as green things with trunks, a lot more interesting

The worst things I ever did to my roommate

2006-05-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

So, a year or two back I had a roommate - not Keltie, some other entirely unsuspecting innocent. I won't name her, just in case I decide to post a sequel to this missive, listing the iffy things she perpetrated upon me.

Note that two of the three things here were done ACCIDENTALLY.

One day I finally got around to doing chores the way she requested, so I cleaned the mould in the bathroom grout with her old toothbrush (totally kosher). I didn't want to put it back in the bag until it dried, so I left it hanging over the sink before we headed out to a big house party.
The next day, we were both really hung over. I was in a comforter cocoon, squinting as I tried to watch TV, when she eventually crawled out of bed. A while later she appeared, and apologized for most likely using my toothbrush. She held out two pink toothbrushes and asked me which one was mine. Naturally, I didn't have a pink toothbrush. I sort of blinked at her for a while, trying to find a good way to break the truth. "Umm, bad news honey, if you didn't use your toothbrush . . . "
Needless to say she brushed her teeth repeatedly with the propper toothbrush afterwards, and used half a bottle of scope.

My friend Carly picked me up so we could go dog-walking for someone, and we chatted with my roommate then fiddled around before we left in her car. I thought I would be prudent in locking the door behind me as it was winter and already dark, so I called out a farewell to the roomie then locked my door and headed out.
en we returned 40 minutes later, my roommate was sitting on the stoop with some laundry beside her. She had forgotten I was heading out, and she had been just below us, doing laundry, when we left . . . without her apartment key. She realized it just as the car started up, so she ran out of the laundry room and down the driveway after us, but we didn't hear or see her. If any of you have seen our driveway, you know that it is the steepest driveway around, the bane of taxi drivers. She made it halfway down the driveway before she tripped and fell, but didn't stop - she slid the last ten metres, right over the sidewalk, and ended up half in the gutter. Naturally, she had left a fair ammount of skin behind. The manager wasn't in, and noone else had the key, so she had no choice but to wait, though she didn't know how long I would be.
Fortunately after she used up about 20 of my bandaids and half a tube of polysporin, she was willing to forgive me, and she thought it was pretty funny. I was the one who winced the most when she happily showed off all the gravel-burn to all our friends.

And last and most culpable, my (ex)boyfriend called me early one morning to help him with something, so despite knowing my groceries would be delivered shortly, I headed out. To make sure my poor roomie (who is the most zombie-like thing I've ever seen until she gets half a pot of coffee into her) answered the doorbell, I posted a nice big sign on the door saying "will be in bed, ring really loud".

So, what's the worst thing you have ever done to a roomie, or had done to you? I had a subletter once, who used the other subletter's vegetable cleaning brush to clean the mould off the bathroom ceiling. He didn't really see what the big deal was.

My scary aunt should also not read this

2006-05-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

My scary born-again Catholic spinster aunt suddenly sent me an email last week, about how my writing is very interesting, but mostly when I write about every-day things. Again, a moment of panic - have my parents actually found my blog? She finally got back to me when I asked her which writing I meant . . . apparently she found a few emails from [literally] years back, and hit the reply button assuming I would know what she was talking about.

She even sent me a sample . . . from four years back. Please note that the pet mentioned, like pretty much all our pets, came to a sad end in a dramatic way soon after this passage. It's not that our pets don't usually have relatively long, fulfulling lives - their exits are just rather extreme. But more on that next post.

So, here's from four years back:

Hello everyone - my life right isn't interesting enough for me to want
to tell anyone about it twice, so I'm doing a mass-email. Here, let me
prove it to you . . .

I got a very good job at a pulp and paper mill for the 4 months of
summer vacation from University. It pays twice as much as I thought I
would get this summer, but it means that I don't have much time to
spend with my friends. Most of them work on the weekend, and so when I
am free most of them are busy with their jobs. Yeah, poor me, right?

Well, I finally found that I CAN get sick of reading hours and hours a
day. I am working in the Health and Safety department, and I do a lot
of computer work, write papers on health issues in the mill, and test
the air for gasses and metals and so on. I like the people I am
working with, but outside of my area I don't think I would enjoy being
there much - it is certainly not the sort of place I would want to work
in for a career. For one thing, you can smell the mill from kilometers
away. A lot of the people who work there have a pretty negative
attitude about the place - the staff workers like me are paranoid about
getting fired, and the union people are almost impossible to fire, so
they complain about anything they want.

The last 4 days I had very little work to do, because my boss was too
busy to even find me any work that he didn't have to help me with.
He told me about the main job I will be doing this summer, but he
didn't give me enough information to do anything beyond a bare beginning.
I will be statistically analysing the effect of the new safety program, using
Microsoft Excel. He basically left me in my office with an Excel manual
for days -boring, but at least I learned a whole lot about the program -
I will need it for some of the courses I will be doing in September as well.

I haven't written much of anybody this last month, because as you can
tell, work is my life right now, and it isn't very fascinating. My dad
told me that whenever I have nothing to do though, I should just use
Excel to calculate how much money I am making. When I was little and
bored with a job, I use to calculate how many chocolate bars I could
buy with the money I was earning. Now I calculate how many months rent
and food it will cover- if I am very lucky, I will be able to get some sort of job
in Europe next summer - as long as I can make a little money overall, maybe I
will be able to manage it.

Some of my friends are on big trips through Europe right now, and every
time I hear about it I am horribly jealous. But at the same time, I
would much rather live in one place in Europe for several months than
travel all over for a few weeks - now I have done both to some degree,
I realize that really getting to know a culture is much more satisfying
than just seeing the sights and using a phrasebook. And I really need
to practice my German!

I was so bored today that I made a new harness for my rabbit, attatched
it to my dog's leash, and took it for a walk. Unfortunately, my rabbit
doesn't want to go anywhere, or she wants to run at about ten times my
speed - and since I made the harness so stretchy, she jumps forward,
then gets slowed down in the air and snapped back like she's on a bungee cord.
It's amusing for me, but it pisses her off and after a minute she
snorts in dusgust and lays flat on the ground to show her unhapiness.

She's got a lot of personality, especially for a rabbit - when she is
irritated with someone, she will snort, then ignore them and even
refuse to eat until she is satisfied again. When she's really
comfortable, she will flop down on her side with her feet sticking out,
which shows that she trusts you, because she can't get up from that
position very fast. We have her in the house a lot, because she's even
smart enough to know that she can't pee inside - she will even wait for
hours, if we forget to take her out soon enough. We could even make
her an inside rabbit if we wanted, because rabbits can be taught to use
litter boxes like cats, but my mom doesn't like the idea. She things
the rabbit is allright to watch, but she doesn't like it that much -
she says it is too much like a long-eared rat. She has the worst rat phobia
I have ever seen.

Anyways, I have to go water the garden, so I'll be off.

Best wishes,
-Lindsay

So - to update this letter -
This summer I am not yet sick of reading . . . I'm trying to store up, like a camel in an oasis. Not like I don't read too much in the school year anyways.

This year I have the boss (a PR/newsletter writer/communications) person I had last year, and she expects lots from me - so I always have tons of things to do. No extra time to sit around. I like it better, though it was sort of nice to the ego when she was more surprised when I managed to get things done well. Now she has decided that I am reasonably efficient and expects me to stay that way, sigh.

Calculating my healthy paycheck-per-irritating-task is still an excellent way to get over the occasional mind-numbing job.

I'm still wildly jealous every time I hear of someone who is planning a trip to Europe, etc -I've been working here every summer and going to school full time every winter, with no more than two weeks off at a time. Christmas is usually my longest break.

The rabbit, as aforementioned, is no more . . . but I did try to harness-train my cats, and it turned out to be even harder. They just sort of lie there, then eventually do a sort of slow somersault if I try to tug on the harness (made of old tights this time).

Dad has evolved new ways to harass my mom about her rat phobia - his favourite is putting some old short brown wig under the covers for her to find. That always causes some major freak-out. I'm surprised noone has shot my dad yet, now I think about it.

Yeah, things haven't really changed that much, here in the valley.

Who should not read my blog

2006-05-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

Right, I went over this topic a few times . . . but somehow I let it slip to the parents that I had a blog. Nothing came of that for a few weeks, so I figured it had slipped by unnoticed . . . then suddenly my dad complained that if I was really working on the stuff he wants me to get done, I wouldn't have time to blog. Instantly my ears flattened back and the whites of my eyes probably flashed, just like my dog when he knows he is headed for a bath.

So after the first wave of panic started to wear off, I realized that he didn't look very pissy, so he probably hadn't read much of it, if any.

(I have been, mwahahaa, smart enough not to use my real name, and to ask friends who link with me not to use it either. I think this is always a good practice, especially because I do have some content containing the paranoid company I work for in here as well. )

So I started testing him to see if he had actually read it, or was just making it sound like he had. After a week of no fireworks when he read some of the earlier entries, I was unsurprised when I asked him how he liked my poetry, and he pretended to be too interested in Steve Nash's fantastic play to give a straight answer. A person less used to his sneaky ways might have been fooled.

Yeah, he so hasn't found this webpage yet . . . .I think he was mostly seeing how much I would panic if I thought he had. Fortunately, I have perfected the art of the silent panic, especially to be used around the parents. My parents especially have mastered the fine art of making me think they know what I have done-and-tried-to-hide.

But, now he knows that somewhere in the ether a blog by yours truly lies, I will take the precautions of resetting some of my favourite blog posts into 'draft' status so they aren't visible. Predictably, these blogs are/were titled:

"Coverup needed, tips required"
"Busted!"
"Waiting to be busted again"
and
"Update on the [actual topic excised]"

I also took the precaution of asking less nosy family members how he learned about my blog, and that is how I found out that he heard about it from my own lips. Darn. So I shall consider the blog 'very low privacy setting' from now on. How very lame.

Jobs I should not do

2006-05-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Someone in HR went home sick today, so they fished up a replacement low-on-the-totem-pole to do her job: me. The job is making mass scripted phonecalls reminding people about an employee appreciation dinner, and telling them they have to RSVP at such and such a number (or immediately, in the slight eventuality that I am talking to a live breathing person of the right name). So I called for one dude, and his dad (I assume) answered, and asked if HE could go, because he was retired from this place. I said something like, "Ummmm, nooooo . . . I think [your son] has to take you, but I don't know the rules. I'm just the phoning monkey."

Seriously, I billed myself as "the phoning monkey".

So, I can totally work of a script - should it be an answering machine. But when there is something written in front of me, I suddenly develop problems when speaking to a person. I have to change things around yet still make conversation, and because it is just this side of mind-numbing, this can be very difficult. After the canned sentence "If you and a guest would like to attend, please leave a message at xxx-xxxx" I suddenly realize that I'm talking to a real person and go "or, umm, you could like tell me, like, um, now, or like phone before Monday". God, I hate this job. Only 40 phonecalls (out of 250) done, and my mind is mush.

Somebody else's slogans

2006-05-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled to their maker.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Never put both feet in your mouth at once, because the you won't have a leg to stand on.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

For the same reason, never wear granny underwear or tighty whities.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Bad poetry, so bite me. Iambic pentameter my ass.

2006-05-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Now that I have put aside
the work that would not let me rest
I wonder when I really tried
and if that's when I did my best

I am so tired of laying down
the law to get things done
I'd really rather ditch this place
I think I'm gonna run

Away with all this talking
away with all this mess
f**k communication
I cannot take the stress

I'm running down the hall now
I'm heading for the door
my body's here till 5pm
but all I'll do is snore

My fantasy is better
my fantasy has beer
and lots of guys from Sweden
Bet you wish you were here

The coolest prof, ever . . .

2006-04-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

So, this term I had a class with 13 people in it, which is rare, even for a senior year bio class - probably due to the 8:30 timeslot. Strangely enough, though I am definitely no morning person myself, this was the class that I rarely missed. Well, I guess you could say that I missed the first 5 to fifteen minutes of almost every class, but I was the meat of it.

Why this out of character behaviour? Usually I can only make early appearances if I have made a promise to someone other than myself. At my summer job, I am very well known as the queen of the last minute rush. Despite honest attempt at showing up early to match my interest in making serious moolah, the best I can do is to be mostly on time. This feat is managed by dressing, showering, driving/drying hair/eating, parking and finally sprinting for the gate at remarkable speed, if I do say so myself. And frankly, despite all sorts of plans to arrive on time for class (or arrive at all, for the boring ones), without the promise of a paycheck, the snooze button simply cannot be conquered*.

So my dedication to this class stems from the prof being such a cool dude. Not that he is actually cool, mind you – his charm rests in his total understanding that he will never be trendy or up on the newest fads, EVER. He told us how, when he heard his children talking about Sonic the Hedgehog, he was excited to think they were learning about the SonicHedgehog gene in elementary school, totally unaware that the game came first. He does impressions of other Evo Devo researchers, ineptly attempting a deep southern accent to say “Gastrulation is the most important action in your life – if you couldn’t gastrulate, your asshole would be at the back of your neck!” Basically, his enthusiasm and his cheerful gawky attempts to get us thinking about his subject win us over.

He really wanted us to work through the concepts, and he managed to get half the class to join in discussion (a minor miracle, when there are no marks attached) by not making us feel bad if we hared down the wrong path – though he didn’t try to validate a wrong answer either. And if he got something wrong, he would fix it immediately without excuses. Of course, one day he couldn’t fix the powerpoint machine, and said that he would have to lecture as he did back in the dark ages. Without his detailed figures it took him longer, and he must have found it irritating, because he said that next time the machine died, he would just do an interpretive dance instead.

I wasn’t the only one who stored an mp3 on my laptop in hopes of catching him out on this one, because someone else must have asked him if he could do that for the end of class. On our last day, he told us that though he considered an interpretive dance for us, it just wasn’t going to happen. He did say that he considered what he could do, and after tossing the idea of turning the course summary into rhyming couplets in iambic pentameter, he came up with a plan.

We started to stir in our seats. He said how his eldest son had caught him rehearsing, and shook his head with the words “Dad, don’t mess with things you know nothing about”. One of the students laughed, and said, “what is it, a rap?” The prof had already turning a delicate shade of tomato. “Yes, and you will have to help me with it, it’s not my forte”. And he was right, it was not his forte. He really needs to keep his day job, because his sense of rhythm is not going to get him a record deal, despite some ingenuity in finding rhymes to the tune of ‘archenteron’ and ‘gastrulate’. I don’t think cardigans and pleated khakis are going to make it onto MuchMusic anytime soon either.

So he ran a beat with his laptop, and started up his powerpoint . . . the screen had like five rhyming couplets on it, and it really was a summary of the first course section. We tried not to laugh too hard, as he stumbled gamely through it. Some of us even made appropriate rap background effects, though none of us could collect ourselves enough to join in. When he cued up the second screen without missing more than another half-beat we laughed harder, and every time he continued onto another rap section we tittered with amazement. The thing was almost as long as ‘American Pie’, and he managed to get through the whole course without expiring of embarrassment or lack of breath. We clapped like crazy, and I asked him to post it with the course materials. After he left and we did his teacher evaluations, we all agreed that it was the coolest thing a prof had ever done for us. And here he thought he would never be cool at all.

*Re the snooze button having me whipped - this is not to say that I haven’t tried, you understand. I have worked out various schemes to attempt a morning routine that doesn’t involve me doing an imitation of that Ice Age character, Scrat. (Think panting, scrabbling, unlikely aerobatic feats and rampant desperation). I have taped stuff over the snooze button, I have hidden my alarm clock, I have begged my roommate to throw water on me (she threw her cat instead) . . . but somehow I was still able to deal with all these things without waking up. It appears to be genetic.

Oh, and Tolkein . . .

2006-04-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

. . . did anyone else have that ruined for them by reading tons of Tolkein-wannabe stuff first?

After I had sucked back epic ammounts of fantasy in grades 5-8, my attempt to read LOTR died after it felt like he was the sadly out of date version of ten things I had already read. Where were the females? When would he stop describing the scenery?

As an avid reader, I am really embarassed to say that in the end, I mainly just watched the movies.

Ten Favourite Authors

2006-04-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

My top authors, in rough order of course, and the list always changes

Lois McMaster Bujold
Diana Wynne Jones
Charlaine Harris
Jane Austen

Elizabeth Marie Pope (wrote two classics in the 50's that never go out of print)

Vivian Vande Velde (some of her YA books are the most creepy things I've ever read, and she NEVER insults the reader by doing the obvious)

Phillip Pullman (Sally Lockhart series)

Margaret Mahy (The Changeover is a must-read, and many others are disturbing in their spot-on characterization)

Richard Peck (His Blossom Culp series are inventive and hilarious)

Dick Francis (Comfort reading since I was 8, though he doesn't exactly show a lot of range - very dependable)

I think most readers favourite books have a lot to do with what they read when they were in their teens, and I was really fortunate that the 90's had a lot of wonderful young adult books come out that were really meant for young adults, they weren't just kid's books with a bit of strong language or sexual content, set in high school. I find that a lot of the young adult books are more inventive than the average adult book, so I still check out the YA racks and find some fantastic stories there.

These authors have books that require more deep thought than Harry Potter, in my opinion. When HP became the cool new thing and tons of people went on about how it was so fresh and different, I was wondering what they were talking about . . . DWJ was writing stuff like that starting in 1975!

Mystery Authors that currently rock, and their series openers

2006-03-30T14:58:00.000-08:00

Argggh, I accidently deleted this post, and will rewrite it. I assure you my first version was wittier and better written.

Charlaine Harris
Shakespeare's Landlord - a thought provoking series with one of the most tough, well-written characters I've come across. Shakespeare, by the way, is a southern town in this century.
Dead until Dark - much lighter, but no less astute. These books are still mysteries, and the vampires and whatnot are added in for extra interest and scenarios. You don't have to like horror or fantasy to find this interesting.
Real Murders - if you can find this opener to her first series, it kicks ass and defies pigeonholeing. I would recommend that you read these books, even if you can't find all of the first few installments. The main character is a librarian with the heart of a tiger in the body of a respectable southern woman, with fascinating results. My favourite thing about this author is that she doesn't pull her punches, and everything isn't necessarily okay in the end, though each book is very satisfying. She also gets a hell of a lot written with less words and more realism than any author that comes to mind.
Grave Sight - the first book in her newest series, which is again darker in tone yet entirely enthralling, a bit more like the Shakespeare series, but with a slight psychic undertone. A few ideas she raised in this book still creep me out when I think about them too long. The main character has the ability to find dead people, and makes her living from it - to the desperate hope or disgust (sometimes both at once) of others. Her job puts her in some very interesting situations, with some very hostile people. The characterization is superb.

Margaret Maron
Bootlegger's Daughter starts of my favourite series, again set in the southern states for extra un-cloying colour. The main character has seen too many bigoted judicial rulings in her career as a lawyer, so she snaps and decides to run for a seat as a judge herself, with some very interesting results.
One Coffee With is a very different series, and was written earlier and set in New York City. The main character, a female police lieutenant, first comes off as something of a repressed cold fish . . . though she has a sharp intellect and a flair for her job. With an excellent mystery as the background for each book, we watch as she slowly gains a life and emotional colour, courtesy of a very non-traditional love affair, some assorted friends, and the unravelling of an unfinished story set around her father's death when she was very young.

Jennifer Apodaca
Dating Can Be Murder - A newly widowed soccer mom wakes up and gets a life after she realizes her late husband was a cheating sleaze that ruined them financially in some shady business before he kicked off. She revamps her career and herself (buying a matchmaking business, a boob job, and a sexy wardrobe) while actually becoming a better role model for her two sons. It's like Janet Evanovich at her best: light, and not nearly so goofy. The best friend with the surveillance tools (used in her hobby of stalking her asshole ex-husband). The series heats up with the interesting cop and private eye characters that take interest in the heroine's new look, but the series doesn't use them to continually save the main character when she continually bites off more than she can chew.

More mystery authors to come in a later installment, for which I will not promise a deadline.

I consume mysteries like popcorn . . .

2006-03-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Really, I do.

I read a couple books a week, accidentally for the most part . . . I just get sucked in.

First I idly go online to see what the library systems on the island have going on (I have cards for both of them, naturally) then I find myself filling up all my allowable holds on the waitlists for library items . . . mainly books but also a lot of DVDs from the fabulous gvpl collection. I consider it a goal to keep my allowable holds entirely full. Thirty and fifty items really isn't much, when you consider how long you have to wait for some of them . . . some of them aren't even released from the publisher yet, and of course it's best to be first on the wait list for my favourite 20 authors . . . hey, it's a way better scenario than me going through the media on chapters or amazon, right? It's all FREE . . .

Next the pull of the library vortex has me toddling to the library at least twice a week. See, though hold items will wait for me to pick them up for a week, I only get three days with DVD or CDs which have holds placed on them by others. And naturally, every time I'm in the library, I have to take a quick look at the paperback racks . . .

Most of my best author finds have been made by me browsing through the racks. I do all kinds of things to learn about good books, but honestly taking a quick look at the books tells me a lot. You can't judge a book by it's cover entirely, but honestly you can learn a bit . . . though the author doesn't get to pick the cover, the publisher has chosen a look for the book that reflects who they think will read it. It's not a coincidence that the best publishers often put my favourite books in cover art that I appreciate.

Reading the blurbs on the back of the book can tell you a bit, but if you already know you are going to read the book (say if it is by a favourite author or recommended by someone with actual taste) stay far FAR away from them, they often tell too much! They can be worse than movie previews, even the kind that show you all the funny jokes in the movie all at once, making the movie itself redundant. You don't need to spend half the book waiting for the hot police detective to show up, or for the chosen shreddie character to finally kick the bucket or die in a horrific murder. Scanning the quotations of praise from other authors or reviewers can also be useful . . . not for what they say, of course, but for who they are. If you have never, ever heard of them or seen them anywhere, it's probably not a good sign. Endorsements from the Pendleton County Weekly are also suspect. If the publishers have to stretch that far to find a good review, their taste is suspect or there is no interesting plot hook they can allude to in the preview-blurb. Probably both. Total lack of review quotes is not necessarily bad, however . . . you might have even found that elusive thing, a paperback publisher with class and restraint.

Authors that were worthwhile that were found by library shelf-hunting alone . . . Lois McMaster Bujold, Diana Wynne Jones, Margaret Maron, Charlaine Harris, Kate Elliott, Garth Nix, Phillip Pullman, Nancy Martin, Robin McKinley, and the list goes on. Holding the book in person also allows you to check it's publishing date, and usually there is a bibliography list so you can tell if it is the first in a series, or if there are other series that the author has written that you might have heard of (or in my case read, and forgotten the author name).

Other ways I research good books is online. Specifically, I look for the webpages of my favourite authors, and see who they recommend. The endorsed author webpages have the most complete bibliography, and often have the first chapters of their most current work. If you hear about an author from a friend or elsewhere, the best way to make sure you start with the right book is to check online first - it sucks to start halfway through a series, or read the suckiest stand-alone book and get turned off an author prematurely.

Some of my favourite authors have series that are so different in tone that I would have thought they were written by other people if I didn't see their names on the copywright line. Also, many authors have different series under different pseudonyms, and their websites often admit this freely. Often pseudonyms make sense because their earlier work sucked and they want you and everyone else to forget about it, sometimes they write books in different genres and they don't want their books pigeon-holed, and sometimes there is no obvious reason (maybe they had contract isssues?). But a true fan would want to check out the other books anyways, just in case they also rock.

Buckley's - don't do it.

2006-03-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't been keeping up with this blog since before my friend Susi and her bf Daniel visited me for a week. They are still travelling across Canada by train, and their last set of pictures includes them running and riding a dogsled . . . duude, 23 years in Canada and I never got to try a dogsled . . .

I've been nicely behind in all my studies since spending reading break hanging around with the Germans in Vic, Van and even Duncan. I had too much fun and can't be bothered to regret it. I especially liked using the visitors as an excuse to go out and eat at all sorts of new places with the Dine-Around specials that were on all February.

This last week I missed all my classes entirely, and was sick with bronchitis. I tried this horrible cough syrup that was worse than just hacking up a lung, I swear . . . I thought the bad taste was more a joke because they brag about it in the commercials, but it was really the worst thing I ever tasted, including spoiled milk. I immediately brush my teeth afterwards, otherwise I wouldn't be able to handle it.

So, basically, the most interesting thing that happened to me since Susi and Daniel left was Buckley's cough syrup. I never would have tried it if I knew it tasted like wet dog, peppermints and jaegermeister all in one.

Oh, also interesting . . . the movie 'V for Vendetta' and it was teriffic - make sure you see it in the theatre! Don't learn anything about it if you can help it, just go see it!

The incurious case of the dead spark

2006-02-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

You know that wonderful fantastic nervous feeling you get when you start to fall for someone, just a little bit? You know, when the object of your obsessed interest seems wonderful to you, even if you know he isn't . . . and you want to know everything about him and you think almost all of it sounds fascinating? And all the warning signals that maybe he isn't actually as fan-fucking-tabulous as you think he is can be ignored under this swell of hormones and uncanny awareness when he is around? Well, now I know how necessary that is.

There was this guy that I had a vague interest in for a while, and then suddenly he seemed interested in me, and I started to consider him seriously, and feel that nice gooshy anxious warm feeling for . . . and then, just when things looked promising but nothing binding was said, he switched his interest to someone who blatantly angled for him, and dated her for a month. So, nothing really lost, right? He clearly wasn't as interested, and I told myself it was his loss, and most of the time believed it. But the things that I had always liked about him were still there, and so when things between him and the other girl tapered off, he makes a really nice apology and says how dumb he was, and how he really wished he hadn't gotten distracted, etc etc.

So, I did what came naturally - I put him through the wringer. It helped that he made this confession after I had had lots of beer at a party, and the other girl . . . a friend of mine, no less . . . was giving me the evil eye as this guy started flirting with me again. So I felt bad, but realized that it was the guy's fault, and let him have it. It was a lot of fun, actually, and he didn't seem to be scared off, which was interesting. Anyways, I was still naturally wary of him, and never made it easy for him . . . and then, when things never really went beyond a few dates, I really couldn't be bothered about it. Well, why not? As I said, the basic things that once had me so fascinated were still there, and now he seemed to be really trying, and I could even understand the thing with the other girl . . . but nope, the spark died, and I couldn't be bothered to work that hard to rekindle it.

So, now I know how important that spark is. Without it, how can you really go through all the potentially embarassing and important things before you know the other person and what they like, and become a couple in fact instead of just intention? Without that cushion of optimism and heightened self-awareness and giddy interest in the other person clouding your mind, what is the fun of baring large parts of yourself, literally and figuratively? Especially when, with your unclouded vision, you can actually make a relatively levelheaded asessment of the other person and their faults, and your mutual incompatibilities that are guaranteed to tick one or both of you off, sooner or later. And then, because you can already notice them, it kind of starts to be sooner . . . and you wonder, why all this effort?

And something else starts to happen . . . the part of you, that blatantly optimistic and curious part . . . . starts to tingle again, and it whispers something to you like "That guy in your bio lab was really rather hot and definitely interesting, and maybe you should have checked him out a bit more instead of that other guy . . . maybe he's the one you really want want". And suddenly, the other guy, with the known factors that you mostly like, really seems to have all kinds of limitations . . . while this new guy could be anything. His potential is infinite, especially since you don't really know him yet. And isn't that most of the fun, getting to know him?

So . . . . forget good book reviews, I have something better

2006-02-03T22:08:00.001-08:00

So, I planned to write little book reviews into this blog, and unwisely said so when I started it. Unfortunately I read a few books a week, and more when under stress . . . and clearly I don't blog nearly so much as that. Curling up with my computer just isn't that comfortable - though now that I have a remarkably tiny laptop, I should reconsider it - but turning on my computer has some definite drawbacks.

Drawback the first: checking my email. I know, it should be fun, I should have lots of wise correspondences with my many varied and interesting friends. But really, most of my emails are spam or school-related, which reminds me of homework, studying, and deadlines. Drawback the second: I have programmed my Microsoft Office calendar to give me handy reminders for, well, everything important. This should also be good . . . but really it reminds me of all the things I should be doing, most of which I didn't want to do if I just sat down in front of the computer. Laaame.

Basically, lately I have wanted to escape life through a nice book-shaped portal into someone else's imagination, most preferably set in some other country, century, or even planet. I have read some rather embarassing novels on occasion, when I ran out of better fresh meat, umm, I mean reading material. Sure, I have read and re-read some great works as well, and I even read some really good nonfiction in the form of some excellent neurological case histories by Oliver Sacks, and I swear the book "An Anthropologist on Mars" was waaay better than I just made it sound. Thought that description hopefully makes me sound much brighter and more intellectual than I probably am. I assume that fascination with unutterably dry material makes one sound intellectual.

But just in case you mistakenly took me seriously as a reader, I have to add in a few comments on the terrible, awful, miserably written book that I am now reading with curious enjoyment. Really, I like to attribute my ability to read many of the 500-something pages of this book to morbid curiosity. I really enjoy seeing what horrible clunking words the author selected from her thesaurus and painstaking (but still patchy) research of the English Regency period. Also, I must admit that this book gives me real hope that someone might publish my writing one day . . . honestly, this THING is the true definition of 'turgid prose'.

Oh, so now you think you know what sort of book I am reading . . . a near-harlequin sort of regency romance, right? Well, not quite . . . I requested it from the library because it was a 'Pride and Prejudice' wannabe-sequel written in the last ten years by some author who isn't original enough to think up her own characters. Really, harlequin has higher standards. Also, they have better editors:
a) this THING of a book is a large, fat trade paperback with teeny tiny typeface
b) way too many REALLY BORING extraneous characters
c) paragraphs that are usually made up of repetitions of their first sentence
d) really uneven attempts to emulate Austen's spelling
e) imaginitive and highly unlikely slang insertions, supposedly from the era
f) copious ammounts of similarly unlikely sex scenes
g) and the most ridiculous euphemisms for human genitalia that I have ever imagined

As you can guess, the truly ridiculous euphemisms are what keep me slogging through, to a large extent. I should really keep a list (look forward to a blog on that topic, coming soon!). But what keeps me going the most is probably my interest in the real P&P, of which this is a travesty. So why can I keep reading it, when I knew it was going to be a sin upon literature (and especially Austen's works) before I finished reading the preface? Well . . . Austen's characters are so well entrenched in my mind, and the one saving grace of this author is that she didn't try to revamp the most important characters in any way, and I will suffer through a lot to continue imagining what they might have done after the real P&P ended. Of course, in the first 200 pages there is no sign of any character growth either, except that Georgiana has taken up writing excellent poetry. Whatever.

Here I will admit to requesting a few more Austen wannabe-sequels after stumbling over a decent one, a mystery called "Pride and Prescience". I read a lot of these Austen Wannabes in highschool, and around four of them were decent reads and sometimes even witty, and the rest should have been toilet paper or something more worthwhile.

I still can't quite figure it out myself, how this blend of miserable writing still captures enough of my attention to keep me reading on. To my credit, I do still skip passages from the point of view of any minor character, excepting John, Darcy's love-child (yes, you read that right) from a lustful dalliance with a chambermaid when he was 15. John is the only character of interest that has been added to the complement inherited from the original P&P. I still haven't figured out what his purpose is, but it had better be good. He is now a 13-year old groom at Pemberly, and has just figured out that Darcy probably fathered him. I'll keep you posted on that, honest. It will either be the one truly interesting ploy in the book, or a massive disappointment that will keep me whining for paragraphs.

Remember that preface? It is so bad that it has made three people laugh aloud so far . . . myself and the two friends I showed it to. Keltie found it so awfully bad that she insisted upon reading the whole thing aloud, in her best Speech Arts style, with small breaks for us to giggle and try to catch our breath. I fully intend to find the worst (and therefore best) quotes in this book and post them.

A poem (not mine)

2006-02-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

'The Book of my Enemy Has Been Remaindered'

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,
My enemy's much-prized effort sits in piles
In the kind of bookshop where remaindering occurs.
Great, square stacks of rejected books and, between them, aisles
One passes down reflecting on life's vanities,
Pausing to remember all those thoughtful reviews
Lavished to no avail upon one's enemy's book --
For behold, here is that book
Among these ranks and banks of duds,
These ponderous and seeminly irreducible cairns
Of complete stiffs.


The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I rejoice.
It has gone with bowed head like a defeated legion
Beneath the yoke.
What avail him now his awards and prizes,
The praise expended upon his meticulous technique,
His individual new voice?
Knocked into the middle of next week
His brainchild now consorts with the bad buys
The sinker, clinkers, dogs and dregs,
The Edsels of the world of moveable type,
The bummers that no amount of hype could shift,
The unbudgeable turkeys.


Yea, his slim volume with its understated wrapper
Bathes in the blare of the brightly jacketed Hitler's War Machine,
His unmistakably individual new voice
Shares the same scrapyart with a forlorn skyscraper
Of The Kung-Fu Cookbook,
His honesty, proclaimed by himself and believed by others,
His renowned abhorrence of all posturing and pretense,
Is there with Pertwee's Promenades and Pierrots--
One Hundred Years of Seaside Entertainment,
And (oh, this above all) his sensibility,
His sensibility and its hair-like filaments,
His delicate, quivering sensibility is now as one
With Barbara Windsor's Book of Boobs,
A volume graced by the descriptive rubric
"My boobs will give everyone hours of fun".


Soon now a book of mine could be remaindered also,
Though not to the monumental extent
In which the chastisement of remaindering has been meted out
To the book of my enemy,
Since in the case of my own book it will be due
To a miscalculated print run, a marketing error--
Nothing to do with merit.
But just supposing that such an event should hold
Some slight element of sadness, it will be offset
By the memory of this sweet moment.
Chill the champagne and polish the crystal goblets!
The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am glad.


Clive James

Trailer Trash Pubcrawl

2006-01-29T22:15:00.000-08:00

So, Keltie took me out for her medschool pubcrawl a few weeks back, so I took her out on the biochem/microbi pub crawl this saturday, along with our two friends Jordan and Annie.

To backtrack a few unblogged weeks, the medschool pub crawl was excellent, and inclded lots of free beer, games, meeting new cool people, piggybacking races, beer boat races, and wearing of unfortunate clothing. As far as unfortunate clothing went, I ended up in animal print boxers and a swirly black and white and sequinned 70's minidress that was quite tight and short. Fortunately the boxers made it impossible to flash anyone, and usually I was able to pull down the dress over the boxers, and actually looked rather hot in a hookerish way.
I really enjoyed the whole thing, had a kickass time without embarassing myself, and also learned to my surprise that I can actually chug beer well enough not to embarass myself in boat races, even when against guys. Of course, against the Russian I was toast (Well, he's from Georgia, but I would like to think he has some mystical advantage in the alcohol consumption abilities) but I still impressed myself, Keltie, and several onlookers. We finished up at Evolution, and had a great time dancing . . . and still made it home on the last bus.

So, back to the micro/bioc pubcrawl last night: the theme was Trailer Trash and, seeing as the last pubcrawl we attended was a blast, me and Kelt got ALL dolled up for it. I mean, we had fishnets, hiiiigh heels, little tiny skirts, and little corset things overtop of our shirts. The word 'shirt' here is used lightly, as mine was originally a negligee top at La Senza, and Keltie had a lowcut black lycra-ish thing that she deliberately pulled down enough to flash her black with pink polkadots bra. We overdid the makeup, and chewed gum in the best tasteless way. When we got our pubcrawl shirts, we immediately chopped off 80% of the material, and made knots to tie the tiny sportsbra-shaped remains over our chests. If I must say so myself, we were some of the best-worst-dressed people there, and very thematically correct.

Unfortunately the pubcrawl was a disaster. It was the worst-organized pubcrawl I had ever been to, and my friend Rachel (a bartender at the first bar) said that the organizers underestimated the ticket sales by 50 people, gave a food order for 140 people only three hours in advance, didn't know how much beer they wanted, etc etc etc. The second bar was too small for all of us, so we were all crowded in, and the beer boat races plan fell through. The third bar, after hearing that there were 150 of us, refused to let us in . . . . yeah, what the hell kind of bar suddenly decides to ditch out as a planned pubcrawl venue? The last place on the tour wasn't even open yet, so we straggled back to the second place to wait for an hour. Then, when we headed over to the second place, the lineup was MASSIVE and apparently unmoving, and the cold and the wind were just ugly. After huddling with my friends like sheep while whining like angry kittens, we up and left for home, where we ordered donairs and souvlaki, talked for hours with Annie and Jord, and noted how we only got one measly beer and some soggy nachos for oru $15 tickets. It's a good thing we know how to have a good time with friends despite our plans tanking. Oh, and we intend to do our own pub crawling sometime next month, featuring the town's one and oooonly Karaoke bar . . . . public embarassment, here I come!

Long Time Gone

2006-01-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

Right, so I disappeared for at least a month there . . . exam season hit, then Christmas shopping, then the flu, then holidaying, thenmore after-Christmas shopping . . . and total denial that I had to go back to school. After helping my past-and-future roommate, Keltie, move in to our apartment, I spent a few days moping and refusing to prep for classes in any way.

On the upside, I actually got back to writing, and wrote a four page piece. For once, the four page piece was actually supposed to be four pages, and stands alone, no explaination needed. Maybe I'll toss it up on this blog. Right now, I am going to go cook something and watch the HBO show Entourage with Kelt, and finish putting up our umpteenth string of Christmas lights for my birthday party. I was actually born on Dec. 24th, so a Christmas lights are part of my theme. Actually, I just like them, and consider them to be 'student chic', or so I claim. Maybe it's because they are bright and shiny.

I did indulge in theatre movie watching . . . in the last 7 days I have seen The Family Stone, Pride and Prejudice, Brokeback Mountain, Wolf Creek, Chicken Little, Serenity, and maybe something else I forgot. Hey, I needed the break . . . burnout from last term was especially bad.

TV Shows and Other Things that cause Brain Leakage ( commonly known as drool)

2005-11-26T23:51:00.000-08:00

My buddy Jon was gushing about his favourite show 'South Park'. So I went to write him a comment on my favourite show, and my favourite scene in it, and my favourite way to make a smart guy turn into a dumb puddle of hormones. So I'll post it here too.

I too have that endless enthusiasm for a favourite show that still makes me think under all the stuff that makes me laugh . . . I watch 'House' for the joy of seeing lots of shit disturbed. It would be great if I were smart enough to get away with saying what I really think, all the time . . . As it is, people just figure that I'm putting my foot in my mouth because I'm just that dumb, not that I don't feel the need for innuendo.

My favourite scene actually doesn't have Dr House in it though . . . which is odd, considering it is a sexual harassment scene . . . perpetrated by the gorgeous young female doctor!

Ah, now the pendulum of sexual harassment has swung the other way, and women are the only ones who can get away with it and it's funny . . . and in this case, I maintain it still is damn funny.

But really, it seems only fair, because she just uses his own fascination on himself. I maintain that guys can be held responsible for their raging hormones. If I have to be responsible for mine, they can damn well be responsible for theirs.

So the gist is this: Cameron gets sick of her coworker Dr. Chase acting funny around her, just because she RETURNED in kind a joke with sexual innuendo. She purposely goes out of her way to make him either assess how stupid his reaction is . . . or just get it over with and drown in his own drool. She explains how distressing sex is . . . in detail with reference to medical factoids . . . then goes on to say that 'if it wasn't so much fun, the human race would have died out eons ago" which leaves Chase looking like a poleaxed mouthbreathing deer in the headlights.

Teeheehee. I'm sure all women abuse (or wish they would abuse) men's habitual drop in IQ once the topic of sex comes up in conversation with a remotely attractive female. Dude, its like they can only see a person in one category or another: A) Friend, who we pretend has NO GENDER . . . or B) Female, and now we can only think of her NAKED. Mmmmm, she might look okay naked . . oh, wait, she is still talking. Shit, she expects an actual response? Uhhhh, did I just stammer? I hate it when my hormones cause my brain to morph into drool . . . Maybe if I can stop speculating on her rack, I can turn away and surreptitiously check my chin for brain leakage . . .

Is my dearth of specificity specious or especially spineless?

2005-11-21T03:34:00.000-08:00

So, although most of you know that when in doubt I say too much . . . someone suggested that my photogenicity was marred by chronic lip-blur, if that helps the rest of you . . . I wonder if I dish too much or too little on my blog.

Blogs are ideal for rants, and most of my blogs are rants of some kind . . . however, I do like to tell stories. The thing is, most of my stories are taken from real life . . . and the people in them often have this blog address.

So, instead of this blog being a nice journal, and a way to discuss and solicit opinions from friends and strangers, I find that often I don't ask for advice or get to pour out the things that bother me most. So, if a friend does something ridiculous, or suddenly an old friend becomes a new date . . . I only write about it in an oblique way that must disguise the real meat of the story, in an attempt to disguise anything too telling or private!

I know that some people write about everything and everyone, and still hand out their blog address freely . . . but that just doesn't make that much sense to me. Either I judge people to harshly, or I'm paranoid . . . or something! My real name isn't even on here, in case my dad googles me. I wouldn't put it past him, to be sure.

So instead, my blog doesn't really update anyone on the juciest aspects of my life, such as they are, even when I would tell 90% of my readers to their face, if I had the chance. Does this make me spineless, or wise?

When I am fighting with myself

2005-11-21T03:25:00.000-08:00

When I am arguing with myself, when I’m at my most stubborn . . . this line from some Sarah McLachlan song often goes through my head . . . “What is it in me that refuses to believe . . .” Like when I refuse to believe that I can’t change something just because I so desperately want it to be different. Sometimes I don’t even get as far as refusing to believe in something, I just refuse to acknowledge it despite solid evidence. It would be more like saying “Fuck the world” . . . if it wasn’t just my own situation I usually fucked up.

These flights of irrational fancy get more vivid when I draw up the script around the impeding outcome. I like my hypothetical situations; it’s so great when I have even imaginary control over all variables. I do tons of dry run-throughs when I get myself in a sticky situation. The worse the situation is, the faster and the more horribly bad or over-optimistically favourable the imagined outcomes seem to get. My mood swings up and down accordingly, and I’m more jittery than a bunny on crack.

Laughing when I’m stressed is definitely less useful in real life than in the movies. Have you noticed how often film heroes are required to laugh off an impending doom, to appear in control as they sneer at their possible destruction? Well, I find that people are usually offended that I haven’t grasped the gravity of the situation. Giggling fits after your friend almost chokes, for instance, or when a teacher demands you to explain yourself. Not quite the thing. Yes, I know I should be sombre and appalled right now, sorry, let me just work myself into it, right after I kick my own ass. No, no, I’m not being sarcastic here, I’m earnestly trying to reform my self, or at least my range of displayed emotion . . .

When I really cock it all up, when I am truly taking myself down . . . sometimes I wonder if I do it on purpose. A little voice in the back of my head logically points out how immensely dense the rest of me is, or at least how dense I’m acting . . . Is this some Freudian thing? Do I want to be miserable? Sometimes I wonder if I create disaster just so I get to deal with it. I either excel at cleaning up my own mess; or crash, burn and wallow. Hey, either way it gets interesting, and I finally get to put that hypothetical situation generator in my head to good creative use. Or do I just want to elicit some real, deep emotion? Sometimes this world seems so damn flat.

That logical voice in my head keeps me away from most obvious mistakes like running out of money, most kinds of bodily harm, and the kind of guys that really aren’t good for me. Also, the prickly and unpredictable overearnest rest of me keeps away most other kinds of guys . . . as well as other assorted people that can’t deal with a different (or often several different) takes on life, and opinions of suitable conduct . . . So I guess I do generate a lot of trouble out of nothing, or find some lesser known way of throwing a wrench in my own works.

Basically, the last thing I want to be is bored. It follows that the last thing I want to be is normal, right? Right?

P.S. My spell checker claims that ‘jitterier’ is the preferred way to label my excitability ranking against that bunny on crack. Does that seem wrong to anyone else?

Door to door salesmen stories . . . the antholoblog

2005-11-07T15:15:00.000-08:00

You know that story you have about door to door salespeople or telemarketers? Well, now you can add it to Dru's collection.

Here was my input, because I am currently very very bored.

Alright, stories about people who knock on our door . . . My parents live out in the sticks, around Duncan, BC. To many people, Duncan will also be the sticks. We don't really get that many people going door to door, and I don't actually have stories about them being irritating . . . We find them mildly entertaining, as they break up the monotony. Usually we are the ones that harass them . . . My dad enjoys letting in the occasional perky vacuum salesperson so he can ask her inane or nearly impossible questions. He only lets them in after he insists that he won't buy their products, and of course they come in anyways. I guess most people are less welcoming, or they get overly hot or cold lugging their vacuums around outside in all weathers.

The one time dad topped that was when he glanced out the front window, and said "Someone's about to knock, you get it. It's one of your friends from your (at the time, junior high) class". I bounded down the stairs and threw the door wide, a big grin on my face. The two polyester-suited Jehovah's witnesses on the doorstep though that I looked like ripe for conversion. . . And because one of them was a young guy being taught how to save souls, and seemed very earnest and hopeful as his mentor coached him along, I didn't have the heart to be rude (Canadian, you know). Every polite excuse was cunningly yet politely countered, and I barely escaped without a magazine with articles suited for young people . . . one about ear piercing and tattoos. I almost wish I took it - I have wondered more than a few times how that article read.

A better story would be about telemarketers . . . I have one redneck friend who is so naturally offensive that he managed to make one hang up on him. He let her talk for a while (he also lives near Duncan, must have been the boredom) and argued a bit. When she asked him "Is there anything I could do to interest you in our home insurance plan?" he instantly answered "Are you blonde, about three feet tall, with no teeth and a flat head?"

Comments made elsewhere . . .

2005-11-07T15:12:00.000-08:00

Many of my blog posts start out as comments on other people's blogs . . . and the idea, as usual, gets away with me and becomes more like an essay . . . or a rant, if you will. Sometimes, after a day or so, my rant still seems to be valid and almost worth reading, or at least I think it would be if I could only remember where I posted it . . . so here's my answer to that: I will post my comments made on other posts as comments on this article too.

And the party went on . . .

2005-11-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had a party and I'd say it went pretty well. Some of my best and oldest friends came over from Vancouver, and two came from upisland. My other friends seemed to enjoy themselves, though I'd say they were also bemused at the ammount of in-jokes, in-dancing, in-singing, etc. My, can we put on a good show. In particular, the crew of Guy, Jon and Brad were in full force . . . I'll be at their place in Van for their party this friday, so maybe I will have to work on a few gimmicks to impress their friends also.

My neighbours, however, were not impressed last night. They knocked on the door at 3 in the morning, and my roommate apologised and said that she would turn down the music. They said it wasn't the music. She said she would stop the thumping. They said it wasn't the thumping. They said it was the high-pitched singing that really had to stop, the rest was okay. So, the rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody" was the real problem.

Charity, Geldof, Bin Laden and Bunny Rabbits - you choose!

2005-10-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

My friend Carly recently posted about her western-civilization guilt when she saw the devastation from the hurricanes . . . in the poorer countries! Forget Katrina! (okay, she didn't mention Katrina, probably because she forgot about it compared to the devastation elsewhere, as she should) She was wondering what she could do to really make a difference, and her incredibly lucky life, including her $150 running shoes, were really preying on her mind. She asked if anyone else feels that way. I was the first person to answer, and I got all caught up in it . . . . here is the gist of what I said.

Sure, I think about charity, and how lucky I am. But I have some strong beliefs about being involved in charity. The thing is not to get caught up in sentimentality, if you plan to give money. It's fine if sentimentality gets you motivated to volunteer or start looking to give to charity . . .

For example, I got irritated when I heard that ten bucks of the money I paid for a swing class went to hurricane victims in the states. The states? Unlike 90% of the countries in the world, they had the money to deal with H. Katrina in the best way possible! If their government would prefer to dick around for a while or bomb some places off continent, it really doesn't make me feel guilty. (I'll note here that if Canada has some disaster relief specialists, they should go to Katrina or wherever they can do the most good, even if it is in the USA). I feel more guilt for any one of the underfed children that die every three seconds . . . or disasters that happen in places where the people are already living on the edge, in countries that probably do get the shaft from rich swollen nations like Canada.

So, even if the starving, fly-ridden children on the TV are tugging at your heartstrings, do some research before 'calling that number' to 'do your part'. When my parents decided to foster a kid in my brother's name (they make him do chores to support the kid, hoping that it would put it all into perspective!), they did some real internet hunting for the right agency. First off, they looked for one that spent the highest money percentage on the children, versus infrastructure and advertising. Then they confirmed that it was a secular (IE non-religious) agency, so the kid wasn't learning Christianity with his ABCs. They researched countries to find out where there was the highest need. In the end, they sponser a kid in Bangladesh (80% Muslim, not a great mainstay of the Christian Children's Fund). The thing is that despite some colouration difference and language barrier, the little dude looks a lot like my brother did. His mother sent us a message about him - he doesn't work as hard at his schoolwork as he should, but he likes soccer and is a relatively good kid. He sent us a nice drawing of some soccer players, with rather whimsical colours and numbers of digits per hand.

Though obviously we liked the letter, I still would have preferred no letter (that translator could have been digging latrines or something, really) and more money to the kid. A little more rice for his sister or something, whatever. I'm sure the personal connection keeps the money coming in, but it shouldn't.

I think if someone wants to feel that personal connection, they should go give of themselves. Be the person that gives their time to man the phonelines for a funding drive, or even better, volunteer your time with people who need attention. I know that Carly has done that already, and hopefully felt the rewards just like I do every time someone is happy to see me walk into their hospital ward.

The whole 'give of yourself' thing was stolen, of course. Bob Geldof meant something similar when he said it - he meant that a person should give something from the heart, and get personally involved. It should be more than just throwing money at a supplicant - that is why he got that whole Band Aid, Live Aid, and Live 8 shebang started, continued, and accomplished. I read his biography, after hearing a two hour long monologue from my dad which started off with him horrified and disgusted that I didn't know the Live Aid story in the first place.

Let me tell you, if you want to know more about giving of yourself and some shocking facts about world poverty and disaster relief, you should check out that book: "Is that it?" By Bob Geldof. The book also confirms my belief that you don't have to be a nice person to be a good person. It was written pretty soon after Live Aid, so it includes some additional shocking things about old public schools in Ireland and what it's like to be famous, but the story and the politics are classic and ongoing.

Well, that sort of went all over the place . . . but what I mean is that yes, I do think about that stuff, and how wasteful I am and our society is, etc etc. And I should be doing more about it. I've joined the Emergency Social Services group in Vic (If you don't know what that is, you should really check it out! There are ESS groups all over BC and maybe Canada) and I volunteer a bit with old people and young people who need friends or mentors. It's not that much of my time, and it is rewarding as all hell. But in case that makes me sound good, I still spend money on clothes and media that should be spent on something useful or someone more worthy. Lets not even talk about how much money I burn on my many and various fatuous hobbies.

I like to comfort myself with the thought that when I have soothed (or preferably retrained) my materialistic soul and feel financially secure in the future (and I will try to shame myself into making that happen soon) I will give money to charity and drive only hybrid cars. I personally enjoy the new slogan from the states "If you drive alone, you drive with Bin Laden!". Well, I think it means that you are being wasteful while contributing to pollution, lousy politics, and the oppression and bombing of relatively innocent people.

So, you think it's funny that I went from charity to material wastefullness and pollution? They are all connected, my friend. It's all about keeping your eyes open and trying to be a better human citizen. Pollution will kill people in the end too, along with lots of fuzzy bunny rabbits and dolfins. LOTS of dead dolfins, and sea turtles and photographically inferior but worthy insects and plants and stuff. (But think dolfins and marmots and Africans to get that sentimentality flowing). Western civilization is all about using and abusing, but if education trumps propaganda, things could change.

Right?

Cheesy pickups lines - please add to the collection!

2005-10-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

Right: the worse it is, the better. You know, the ones that almost get your hopes up then make you groan, or the ones that are so improbable you have to snicker.

Today's collection:

If I told you your body was beautiful, would you hold it against me?

Say, did we go to different schools together?

That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh?

Hit-upon asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Yes, but do you have the energy?"

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?

Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

I like your shirt. You know, it would go really well with my floor. . .

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?

And as a wrap up, the ever-classy
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.

*When adding to collection, please *star* any of lines have actually worked*

Ways to decrease possible study time - volunteer!

2005-10-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

So, I started volunteering at hospitals a few years back, when Keltie and I lived like two blocks away from one. I volunteered on a ward mainly filled with hip and knee replacement patients, and got my roommate's kitten PATS certified (behaviour tested and fully vaccinated etc.) so I could bring it inside the hospital to visit people. That was a slick way to break the ice - even a sick ornery person is probably going to soften if you start off with "would you like to see my kitten?" and you wave a furry squirming ball with 7 toes on each front foot. The biggest problem was just visiting the patients . . . going past the nurses station was made difficult by the mob of employees that would rush us, to get at the kittens. Even the nurse who swore she was really just a dog person was a sucker for the 'mutant furballs'.

This summer, I lived with the parents and volunteered at the local long term care ward where my grandpa lives, mainly helping out with Sunday morning bingo. Basically, most of the patients couldn't see the numbers, hear the numbers, or understand the numbers . . . you might think this would be irritating, but it was much more rewarding than I expected. I got to know the patients, and say when a dementia patient had a good day and caught on, I would be just as charmed as when a small child learns a new trick.

This summer was especially useful in that I rapidly learned how to asess mental states. Of course I try not to speak in idiot-sugary-voice to anyone, but obviously it takes a very different mindset to get the most out of a conversation with residents who are more coherent than I am, and those who don't know their own name on a good day. It takes practice to do the mental reset in one second between Alice (who does her 4 bingo cards and easily helps the 2 deaf people beside her), and a stroke patient who says 'buh-bye, buh-bye' as her only word, and it means everything from "I'm thirsty", "I need you to wheel me to my room" and "See you later". (I don't know that resident's name, and I'm not sure if she does either anymore).

I came back to my university digs this September, and decided to take advantage of the long term care hospital right around the corner. (Or maybe decided they could take advantage of me? They say that volunteers save the health system untold millions of dollard in BC alone). My volunteer coordinator gave me just two people to visit with each week, and after hearing of my previous experiences, she gave serious thought to my matches.

My first match is an Aussie just recently confined to a wheelchair without the use of his arms. It took like two minutes for me to realize that he was willing to let me use acronyms in Scrabble because there was virtually no way I was going to beat him without help, despite the fact that he can't poke and rearrange his letters around to stimulate word formation. His mind is far more orderly than mine, and I bet he's used to hanging around with university profs, like his wife . . . let alone his old coworkers from one of the few newspapers even I read. Anyways, next time I am going to show up early and bring an Oxford dictionary, so we can get me up to current competition standards. I am already brainstorming ways to bring other people into the game . . . preferably people who I can beat by just a little.

I asked the other resident that I visit if he would like to play . . . he said sure, but he can't spell. He's always needed full-on care, so maybe he didn't go to school much. This doesn't stop him from knowing far more than I about current movie download sites. When he answered 'women' to my obligatory "what sort of interests do you have" question, I thought it was pretty entertaining. I told him that I wanted to hear one really cheesy pickup line, each week . . . like the "Excuse me, have we met before? Oh, only in my dreams" variety. Him and his roommate thought that was hilarious, and we went on and talked about horror films, bad movie endings, massive ammounts of coffee consumption, etc.

So, please leave any scrabble tips, or any cheesy pickup lines of note, below as comments!

Intelligent Design . . . coming to a classroom near you?

2005-09-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

Keltie's friend Droo has a lot of posts about the new wave coming to some US public school science classes . . . the theory of 'intelligent design'. One particular post is on the oxymoron of teaching intelligent design along with the scientific method . . . see link below . . .

http://exitsection.blogspot.com/2005/09/on-intelligent-design-and-scientific.html

Here's my theory on teaching intelligent design and the scientific method . . . if the students are really encouraged to think for themselves and apply the scientific method, and not subject to a lot of brainwashing elsewhere, they should be fine. (Eventually, after they get over the confusion, and probably become more bitter and disappointed than your home bred agnostic).

Basically, the holes in many of the religious theories, or particularly some exposure to religious fanatics alone will convince kids or teens that something smells fishy about many fundamentalist teachings, forcing them to work out their own beliefs. If they are in the least bit contemplative, they will be disappointed in one of the systems, and when they get more logical than wishful, you can guess which way they will lean.

My parents didn't try to convince my brother that there was no God . . . they would just point out the holes in logic of some of the religious stories he brought home from school. They would explain how some of his assumptions about God differed from most Christian teachings (he was a pretty nice kid with an optimistic imagination) and now he is probably more jaded than someone who was taught to be atheist. Noone at home told him there was no God, but that has been his opinion since he reached the age of abstract thought, pimples and b.o. It wasn't that long after he stopped beleiving in Santa Claus, I'd expect.

With me, they did actually argue that there was no God. I am a milder version of agnostic/atheist than my dad or my brother, who are definitely Bitter Atheists, borne of closer association and earnest consideration of religion.

About the kids in the class that have already been brainwashed elsewhere . . . well, they were brainwashed. They weren't going to believe in the standard scientific version anyways, right?

The Bird Deterrent Saga Part II: The Final Frontier

2005-09-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

In the last entry I discussed the mill site bird infestation of previous years, and the ill-fated attempt to scare them off pest birds with a trained falcon. Though the falcon left in a huff of steam, with its owner in determined pursuit, the mill bird deterrent team was even more determined to control the rampant bird population.

A bird deterrent professional detailed the pest bird issue for me. “Part of the unique problem with pigeons at the mill site is the relationship they had with the seagulls. The seagulls feed on shell fish, and actually brought whole clams back to the taller building roofs. There they broke them open by dropping the clams from high in the sky onto the roof . . . hence the desire to deter seagulls from active roof work zones! “The seagull eats the inside of the shell fish, and the pigeons eat broken bits of sea shell so they can digest calcium and form a solution called ‘breeding milk’, which they feed to their young.

Because the seagulls leave the shells on the roof and not at the beach, the pigeons don’t have far to go to get what they need. This makes the area in and around the various mill operations very attractive to the pigeons: good shelter from predators and food close by.”

With the Pest Bird Management Plan, all this has been changed. There is now a detailed a plan for complete nesting area cleanup and the installment of bird deterrent devices. Cleanup included shell and fibrous debris removal and also the drainage of all standing water on building roofs. The consultant company installed and maintains the bird deterrents, which include devices such as audio and visual scare devices, as well as physical deterrents and barriers such as netting to protect covered ledges.

The pest bird plan “moved the seagulls off, cleaned the roof and forced the pigeons out of the protective roosts. This made the pigeons go farther a field for food and shelter, now they are more vulnerable to predators. We now have more raptor sightings and confirmed kills than ever before. Our work has helped to restore the natural balance and given nature a chance to keep the pigeon population from getting too large.”

The Bird Deterrent Saga, part 1: Trial and Error

2005-09-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Remember the persistent bird nesting problems on the mill site? Though stories like the canny pigeon that nailed three utility workers (with one white shot!) are always good for a laugh, bird droppings and bird infestations are potential sources of bacteria and other illnesses for exposed workers. In all seriousness, a“Pigeon Dropping Cleanup” policy was invoked, but a more permanent solution was necessary.

Since the installation of the Pest Bird Management Plan, the pest bird problem has been greatly reduced, especially on the roof of the paper machines. Supporters of the Management Plan, confirm this. “Although there are pockets of resistance from some of the birds, I believe the program has been a huge success. A couple of years ago there were over a hundred pairs of seagulls nesting on the roofs of the paper machines, whereas last year there were none. This was accomplished without harming a single bird.” Suppoerter X also commented that “as far as the pigeons go (technically Rock Doves) there are far fewer of them on site than in the past”.

So, how did this come about? Many solutions were researched, and more than one was given a trial run. An especially interesting trial included a trained falcon. Professional Z of Bird Deterrent Company Z, a rival but appreciative bird deterrent consulting company, happily recounted the tale.

“It goes like this . . . indeed the falconer had some concerns that his bird would be challenged by the noise and steam clouds around the mill. Falcons are used in the control of pigeons exclusively and the pigeon is a very adaptive flyer. Everyone should take the time to stop and watch these birds and their acrobatics. So, the falcon is released to ‘fly at the pigeons’ . . . but as luck would have it, one of the mills many steam clouds erupted and so thoroughly spooked the poor falcon that it took off for horizon.

“In the sport of Falconry, this most noble bird of prey is at the top of the pyramid of raptors. As such it is a very valuable bird to the owners, and it takes many years of training and care to train a raptor to fly at prey and return. Part of that training is the "imprinting" that is done on the human-raised baby falcon. Since the human provides the food from moment the baby bird begins to eat, the baby birds are trained to believe that the human is their parent bird. This ‘imprinting’. . . is why a mature falcon or raptor (there is a difference) will return to the glove of its owner.

“So back to our frightened falcon which has done a ‘horizon job’ at Crofton. The falcons are generally outfitted with radio transmitters, which enable the owners to track them. This done because hunting falcons fly very high and are often out of sight. The radio transmitter allows the owner to drive along the ground, staying in the general area of the bird as it flies. In the case of the scared falcon, that bird went to ground several hours later. Because he was in unfamiliar territory and was not too hungry, he just sat in a high tree getting reoriented. After a time a falcon will get hungry and begin to hunt. The bird’s owner needed to find the falcon before it begins to successfully feed itself. The one fear the owner of any raptor or falcon has is that a trained and imprinted bird could go ‘wild’ if it were to begin to feed itself, therefore replacing the human as its primary food source. With the aid of the radio transmitter, the bird was found in time . . . three days later.”

Needless to say, the falconer was not eager to repeat the experience. Another solution to the mill site pest birds would have to be found.

Slo-mo Cat Fight by Brucie and the Cat Chorus

2005-08-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

My parents have this cat, named Brucie. He is supposed to be named after Bruce Springsteen, but we end up calling him Brucie, or Brucetopher.

(I don't know how this happens, so don't ask. We also had a bunny, named Willie II after the first Willie that my Grandma cooked for dinner, to dad's chagrin . . . we also called it Obi-Wan-Ka-Bunny for a while, but when we realized it was female we settled down to calling it Buns, or just The Rabbit. Due to her untimely and unorthodox death, we sometimes refer to her now as the Headless Rabbit).

Anyways, Brucie is a massive neutered cat with a very long white coat with uneven black-and-tan tabby splotches. I don't want to imagine how big he would have gotten if we hadn't raised him from a 4 week old feral kitten . . . with mother's milk for another month, he might have reached gargantuan proportions. I think it is a good thing we got him neutered, or we would probably have a whole run of massive hairy distinctive looking and even weirder sounding cats in the area.

It's not that Brucie isn't attractive, because he's pretty cool. He has an aristocratic shaped head, a very lengthy lean body, and dense soft fur. This makes him fun to hang around with, unless you are wearing black (unless he tried to go up the chimney again, and you're wearing white). His meow, however, is just plain weird. Like a lot of big cats, he doesn't really 'meow' per se . . . he makes a whole range of other assorted noises instead. He has this high chirp when he wants food, a low threatening 'vrum-vrum-vrum' like a motercycle when he gets pissed . . . it gets faster and louder the pissier he gets . . . and a new noise, which I heard last week.

I was in bed about to fall asleep, when I heard this weird yowling noise like a cat-fight in slow motion. For a short while I wondered if a cat was injured, then I realized that there was definitely two cat voices, doing a really strange cat chorus. I went outside in my robe to look, and lo and behold, Brucie is herding a dark feline interloper off the road in front of our house. He was emitting this slow drawn out wail, and making the other furball back up off his territory. Apparently Brucie's territory extends far past our property line, because Brucie kept this up, with the other cat defensively yowling in a contrasting key, well past the driveway of the place next door. The other cat finally turned tail and ran.

The next night a different cat made the unfortunate trasgression of actually stepping on our lawn. A full on catfight was in the works when I looked out the window, to see two white-with-black-splotches cats duking it out in the ditch. I thought I was imagining things, until I realized that only one cat had Brucie's big black splotch on the top of the head. Brucie also has a splotch on his muzzle, making it look like he has a white Zorro mask across his face.

I originally called Bruce 'Gringo Zorro', but Mom refused to stand on the porch yelling that, so he got renamed. They did the same thing to his runt sister . . . Curious 'Faceplant' Georgette was supplanted for the iffy name of 'Shania'. More about her and her Command Meow later.

Jean's adventures at the gym

2005-08-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

So, I have nothing of import to say, but I do have some random stuff that was pretty funny.

I was over at Jean's place (Jean is a friend, sort of like an extra grandma) and we got onto the topic of gyms. She said that she went with a friend to workout at the CCC gym, and had quite the experience. I'll note here that Jean is quite active, definitely not doddering, and over 75 years old.

Jean's friend had a workout trainer and the whole deal, but Jean was trying to play it low key on her first try at a gym. She tried a reclining bike, but it bothered her new knee. She then went on to an upright stationary bike, and was doing just fine, going on at a nice clip . . . until the exercise ball escaped from the guy doing mat exercises across from her.

The ball shot under the front wheel of Jean's bike, which promptly reared up like a bronco. Naturally Jean reared up with it, but to the admiration of the room, managed to hold on. When they got the ball away from the bike and Jean got her feet back on solid ground, she decided that going to the gym wasn't really her thing.

See my Articles Blog

2005-08-29T12:13:00.001-07:00

Because my tour guide job at the mill will be done for the season at the end of this week, I tossed a whole bunch of articles up on www.luarticles.blogspot.com . I still have another ten articles waiting to be posted as drafts as well, so it should have at least as much new material as this blog.

During the school year I will have more free time, so I will post more regularly!

What are the pros and cons of using antibacterial soap/hand sanitizer?

2005-08-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

Germs are capable of genetically mutating into tougher strains if repeatedly exposed to, but not killed by antibiotic drugs and antibacterial agents, such as the biocides triclosan and triclocarban found in many antibacterial products. Wide-ranging use of biocides can even increase bacterial cross-resistance, which means the building of resistance against the antibiotics used for human and veterinary medication. Thus, the effectiveness of antibiotics can decrease.

Antibacterial substances can also irritate the skin or cause allergy. Another option to biocide-containing antibacterial soap is alcohol-based hand rinses, which prevent the spreading of microbes without the threat of encouraging cross-resistance. Though the alcohol will kill the bacteria, its effectiveness is relatively short lived since you are introducing yourself to new germs as soon as you touch non-sterile objects.

Active agents in antibacterial soaps like triclosan do remain on the skin in small numbers after washing, and reduce the number of bacteria on the hands for a certain amount of time. Viruses (the cause of flu, colds, and AIDS among other things) usually remain untouched by antibacterial products.

Recommendations: Antibacterial products are not recommended for casual household use unless caring for the sick or very young, and in general are not necessary for many jobs.

Antibacterial soap in no way replaces good hygiene or personal protective equipment, and must be used properly to be effective. Washing your hands the right way at the right time with any soap is more important than the product you use. Biocide containing antibacterial soap use is a personal choice. Other options include alcohol-based disinfectants and regular soap, used effectively.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, the best method for getting rid of germs and preventing contamination is to wash your hands frequently with regular soap and warm water for at least 15 seconds. The B.C. Foodsafe course actually recommends 30 seconds, with due attention paid to the backs of the hands and wrists, and a scrub brush for the fingernails.

Alcohol based disinfectants are also a good way to reduce the spread of microbes, without encouraging bacterial mutation. Beware that very frequent hand washing, especially with cleansers that contain alcohol or gritty scrubbing material (like Fast Orange) can cause skin irritation that damages the skin’s natural protective ability.

What You Should Know About Drowning (before you learn it firsthand)

2005-08-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Most drownings occur 10 feet or less from safety, and roughly 60 percent of the time another person is both witnessing and in a position to rescue the victim. Unfortunately, would-be rescuers are not aware of the classic signs of drowning.

These signs are:
1. Head back.
2. Mouth open, establishing an airway - but not vocalizing.
3. Arms doing an involuntary, above the water, breast stroke.
4. Head bobbing up and down, above then below the surface.

Drowning occurs rapidly and soundlessly, averaging 20 seconds in small children and up to a minute in adults. To the uninitiated a drowning person's surface struggle may appear to be playing, clowning or splashing accompanied by lack of requests for help. Simply observing and reacting to the signs of drowning by basic, shore-based throwing or reaching rescues may cancel a needless tragedy.

From Nautical Know How, at http://www.boatsafe.com/nauticalknowhow/060199tip2.htm

A drowning can be very unexpected, and nobody, no matter how well they swim, is safe. When some trauma happens, such as unexpectedly stepping off an underwater shelf, the surprise itself can cause a drowning response. A person could involuntarily gasp, and take in a gulp of water – and never get their breath back. Very cold water is especially hazardous, and can incapacitate even a strong swimmer with the body’s panic response.

BC & Yukon Drowning Report Summary

Adults 35 - 49 years old are the most likely to drown and 80% of all drownings continue to be male victims. In 1999, males accounted for 90% of all boating deaths, and all victims who drowned while powerboating were male. 90% of victims not wearing lifejackets were male, and men accounted for 73% of all alcohol-related drownings.

Over 61% of victims drowned in the company of others and almost half were with other adults. One third of all fatalities also drowned less than 2 metres from safety.

Boating-related deaths account for one third of all drownings every year, a majority being those in powerboats. Nearly half of all boating deaths occurred after the boat capsized or was swamped. Of boaters who drowned, 68% were not wearing lifejackets, 16% were impaired and almost half were in water conditions that were too difficult to handle.

Solutions:
Take precautions.
Throw Something that Floats -React quickly by throwing a lifejacket, cooler or anything that floats. Aim for the victim's hands. Throwing is the safest and best method to use first.

Use a Long Object to Reach Out - Try reaching out to someone in trouble, with a pole or a branch, while keeping yourself low (kneeling or lying down). Pull the victim to safety.

Boaters: Follow This Simple 3 Step Plan

Wear the gear and look like a boater. Even good swimmers wear their lifejackets. Your life is worth the jacket.

Don't Drink and Boat. Drinking alcohol before or during boating can spoil the rest of your day. Driving on water is not the same as driving on land; water, glare and waves create a much more difficult "roadway" and alcohol only amplifies the problem. Responsible boaters know when and where to drink.

Only boat in waters that you can handle and check the weather report before you launch. Mother Nature can often surprise even the most seasoned boater. When weather turns bad, head for shore.

By the Lifesaving Society, BC& Yukon branch, http://www.lifesaving.bc.ca

How to protect yourself from skin cancer.

2005-08-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Skin cancer is one of the most common types of cancer in Canada. UV radiation from the sun is the main cause of skin cancer, though artificial UV sources like sunlamps and tanning booths are also cancer-causing.

Although anyone can get skin cancer, the risk is greatest for people who have:
· fair or freckled skin
· had sunburn during childhood
· lots of moles, particularly a mole called dysplastic nevus
· family history of melanoma
· used tanning beds
· severe skin damage, including burns
· a history of immune disorders, skin keratoses, or previous skin disorder treatment
· had exposure to certain substances, including arsenic and petroleum

Though changes in the skin are not sure signs of cancer, it is important to see a doctor if any symptom lasts longer than 2 weeks. Don’t wait for the area to hurt — skin cancers seldom cause pain. 95% of skin cancers can be cured if they are discovered and brought to a doctor’s attention before they have a chance to spread. Check your skin regularly.

Signs of malignant melanoma: (the most dangerous skin cancer, that can spread to other organs and be fatal)

See your doctor immediately if…
· An existing mole or dark patch is getting larger or a new one is growing.
· A mole has a ragged outline (ordinary moles are smooth and regular).
· A mole has a mixture of different shades of brown and black (ordinary moles may be dark brown but are all one shade).

The following signs do not necessarily mean that you have a melanoma, but you should still look out for them. If your mole or dark patch does not return to normal within two weeks, don’t ignore it – see your doctor.
· An inflamed mole, or one with a reddish edge.
· A mole that starts to bleed, ooze or crust.
· A change in sensation of a mole, like a mild itch.
· A mole that is bigger than all your other moles.

Signs of non-melanoma skin cancer: (slow-growing cancers that seldom spread to other parts of the body)
· A new growth or sore that does not heal within four weeks.
· A spot or sore that continues to itch, hurt, crust, scab or bleed.
· Persistent skin ulcers that are not explained by other causes.

How do I avoid skin cancer?
Even sunscreen does not offer total protection from the sun’s rays, and using it is only one way to reduce your risk of skin cancer. UV rays are the strongest at noon, so seek out the shade between 10AM and 3PM whenever possible.

How do I use sunscreen properly?
· Try to apply it 15-30 minutes before going out in the sun.
· Apply to clean, dry skin and rub in lightly.
· Use generous amounts (golf ball-size quantities for small children).
· Re-apply every two hours or more frequently if washed, rubbed or sweated off.
· Put on before make-up, moisturiser, and insect repellent.

National Institute on Aging http://www.nia.nih.gov/health/agepages/skin.htm
Nursing Standard Magazine, http://www.nursing-standard.co.uk/archives/residentpdfs/patientcards/6skincare.pdf

PARTY ON THE 9TH!

2005-08-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

My new roommate Ruth and I are having a housewarming party on September the 9th at 9:00, the first friday after UVic starts up for fall.

Come earlier if you want to hang around, and tell me if you need directions or a place to stay over. I'll email out my new phone number once I get one . . . Telus might be on strike for ever, and I might have to break down and get a cell!

See you soon!

Mom finally said it . . .

2005-08-21T14:14:00.000-07:00

So, after eating lunch with my grandpa, my parents and I took a stroll around downtown Duncan. There are some nice stores there, including the excellent toy store called "the Red Balloon". We started poking around the store, and my mom was checking out some fabric doll slash chew toy when she suddenly says "Look! this would be great for a first doll . . . you had better HURRY UP AND HAVE ME SOME GRANDKIDS".

Needless to say my head whipped around. After a couple of blinks, I said "Mom, you know that if I told you next year that I would be having a kid, you would immediately tell me that you would NOT be interested in a huge ammount of free babysitting. Right?"

I mean, right? She sort of smiled and went a bit pink. I don't know how much she thought through her comment . . . and I do know that she probably would do more babysitting than she should, if I were to pop out a few toothless, helpless parasites. I would say that having a brother almost 8 years my junior is a great form of birth control. I am well aware that babies are only pink and nice smelling about 50% of their waking time. They get this great furious red colour for several unfortunate reasons, all of which I can well remember.

Dad was right there, and didn't say anything. If you have met him, you would know how odd that was. I wish I had checked out his expression to see if he was horrified. . . or thinking about how fun it would be to give a two year old some really rude and inventive vocabulary, lots of sugar, then send it back to wherever it came from. His younger brother is now a grandpa, but I didn't consider that he might be a tiny bit jealous . . .

WRITING BADLY with NO SHAME

2005-08-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need to get a typewriter. I really have to do mroe of that writing badly with no shame stuff. Most of my best work is impulsive anyways . . . Mostly because my usual modus operandi is to overthing things and stall. I don't know why I can't just leave it be and move on, then come back to it much later.

I meant to write impulsive stuff on my blog, but somehow I got out of that too . . . well, I will have to get back to it . . . I don't have enough time to dwell on stuff these days! If I am going to spend time on something, it should be one of the three novels that I have started, that are mouldering under my bed . . . Arrrgghhhh.

Jazz in Cow Bay, eh?

2005-08-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

So, there is this cute little jazz place in Cowichan Bay now . . . Jenn took me out there on Friday, and it was pretty cool. We talked to the bass player for a while, but Jenn was too chicken to get his number . . . and I had her all kitted out in my tight jean dress too! And I do mean tight . . . Jenn is totally in shape this summer, and it still took her like three min to wiggle into that dress . . . more if you count the failed attempt to do up the top three buttons!

Anyways, the jazz place (the Mellowside) is cool, and I got to get my favourite UDDER GUYS ICE CREAM, (long may it live and soon may it open a place near UVic). The Mellowside had a typewriter too . . . and I took the opportunity to write a bunch of bad poetry on it (mainly screwball lymerics), and other weird stuff. Something about it and the live music made it totally spew out of my head. I think the whole thing about there being no backspace button really does it for me. With a computer, I have so many opportunities to prevaricate, and it really doesn't do me any favours. I need something that forces me to be decisive. It allows me to write BADLY with NO SHAME.

Roomie Shuffle! Found a new one, no trouble. Found two, actually . . .

2005-08-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

Emma and Brett, my summer subletter, got along so well they are moving in together . . . upstairs in the same building! Well, that's fine with me, actually . . . I was hoping to live with Keltie in January anyways, and I love my place (for the cheap price, that is!). And Emma and I can still hang out without any effort expenditure!

So my soon-to-be roommate's name is Ruth, and she will live with me probably for 4 months. She has a friend who needs a roommate in January, so it works fine both ways. She's another UVic student, and seems very open and fun. I

f possible I want to have a housewarming party on the first or second weekend of September . . . Emma, Rebecca, and Rachel are so close by, and so are some friends of Ruths as well as her bf, so we can have a nice little shindig without even trying to hard! Right, you people tell me when you are available!

Hometowns

2005-07-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

My friend Carly is from Smithers, and after she gets her degree in Pharmacy, she intends to go back there . . . a lot of people don't get that. I can understand why she would want to live in a small place. I might end up coming back to my valley as well . . . but I must say, it's not that shit hot if you want to go out and do stuff! It is getting a bit better, but meeting new people my age is such a drag. I almost feel like if I want to meet up with a hot guy around here, I will have to drag him here first. Gaah.

Of course, I am sort of doing it a bit half assed, because I know I am only here for 4 months . . . but still, I meet up with a group of old friends once a week, and only once has someone bothered to bring someone new. And the word 'bring' is optional . . . the two guys were probably going to be there anyways. What is with that? I like meeting new people. I invited the new guy again, and now they think I am after him. Hell, I wait until I almost know them to chase them . . . and my version of chase is pretty sad anyways.

Carly has posted some beautiful pictures of Smithers on her blog, and talks about how the place feels for her . . that's the way I feel about where I live, to a lesser degree. My parents aren't from here, and it makes a difference that I can still notice. But I still love the feel of the land, and I only really feel how much it means when I live away from it. My neighbourhood is half farms and half houses with big plots full of trees, and in each direction towards the highway or the town, there are farms and trees all along the way.

When I live in an urban area, I miss the trees. Even in Germany, I missed the trees. I missed the feeling that, if I just walk out the door and keep walking, things will get more wild and wooded. There, you go over a hill away from the town or village . . . cross an autobahn . . . and hey, there's another cute village or teeming city. And I was in Bavaria, one of the more agricultural areas! I need that feeling of SPACE.

Boxed Set Obsessed*

2005-07-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my current favourite show, House, is coming out on DVD August 30th. I will soon be rabidly watching it in my apartment in the school term, trying to stave off DTs from lack of cable TV.

God I love that show. Have you seen any of it? It's one of the new doctor shows, about a brilliant diagnostician who is a total prick. It's great. Grey's Anatomy is lighter but also maybe good enough to buy . . . I don't spring for cable in the school year, but I have a DVD player!! I am obsessed with boxed sets now . . . so far I have only borrowed them from the library (Sports Night kicks ass!) but things are so much better when you watch them in sequence SANS COMMERCIALS.

The public library there has DVD sets of Sex and the City and all sorts of great foreign films as well. I have already started putting holds on stuff with long wait lists . . . media rocks . . . nothing is more fun than escaping into someone else's story when your life gets a bit bland. Personally, I find that ten minutes of chopping vegetables alone is bland, so I do it on the coffee table while watching stuff. And they wonder why there might be a growing trend of ADHD in North American society . . . who needs to concentrate on one thing at a time unless there is nothing better to do? I still have all my fingers, and haven't crumpled a car yet.

PS Does it still count as a collision if there is no apparent damage? I mean, its only a fender-bender in name . . .

I have a new blog!

2005-07-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well, the whole articles thing mixed in with the personal stuff seemed a bit disjointed, so I am going to post the articles I have written only briefly on this blog, and actually post and keep them posted on a different blog. This blog is creatively named "Articles by Lu" and is found at www.LuArticles.blogspot.com .

I am going to find and toss up articles from two years ago (like the one immediately below) when I was writing health and safety and wellness articles at the mill, as the general H&S assistant (propperly thought of as the doer of bitchwork for the whole department). Fortunately it was a small department, so I only had three bosses. One of them was alright, one of them was great, and one of them was barely there at all. I mean physically. The alright one was the one that wasn't really there mentally.

Anyways, I wrote lots of articles. And now, as they will appear mainly elsewhere, you will find it easier to avoid them.

There was some good stuff, and there was definitely some dumb stuff. My favourite article was on skin cancer. They printed it in colour, and people kept telling me that all the nice pics I found for it put them off their lunch.

Tuesday is Date Night

2005-07-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

The recurring date being me and a group of old friends. We have started going out every tuesday this summer, and have actually kept it up for over a month now. So, if you are around the Valley some Tuesday and you want to meet up with me, Lindsay, the Archers, Kendall, Al, Jenn, and some others, gimme a call or add a comment!

I'm coming to Van for July 29 - Aug 1 long weekend!

2005-06-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

Anyways, that is the plan . . . I hear Brad's house is having a party on the 30th. So, seeing as I barely get out of the Valley, everybody give me ideas on what else I should do to go nuts while I am on the only vacation I am going to get this summer . . . Parties, karaoke, etc etc I want to pack it all in!

Apart from meeting up with friends once a week on Tuesdays, work is almost my life right now! That, and making up for 8 months without cable. PVRs are dangerous . . . very dangerous. This is a very sad state of affairs

4th Article - How to deal with an agry person

2005-06-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

1) Don’t react instinctively – consider your first response. Most people respond to anger with a fight or flight reaction like defensiveness, aggressiveness, or avoidance. Nine times out of ten this only makes things worse. Two angry people fight, but one calm person and an angry one might find a solution.

2) Listen for the message behind the words. Anger is often misdirected: the real issue might not be the problem they initially confront you with. The person could be frustrated or afraid about something quite different, and it might not have anything to do with you. This is your best and possibly only chance to deal with their anger – give them your full attention!

3) Acknowledge that you heard how they feel. This doesn’t mean agree with the person. Tell the person that you can see that they are unhappy about the situation.

4) Ask a clarifying question. Not only will this help you understand what the person is saying, it shows them that you are listening and interested in finding out what is going on. It tends to defuse their anger by causing them to expand upon what they first said.

5) Repeat back. You can further defuse and clarify the situation by repeating what they have said. “If I’ve got this right, you’re concerned about (repeat what they have said here)”. This also gives you time to figure out the underlying issues and consider your response.

6) Expand upon what has been said. Try and put yourself in the other person’s shoes and address the issue. This shows that, in the brief time allotted, you have thought about what was said. “In light of your concern, that would mean . . ., right?” End with a question that encourages the other person to confirm that you are on the right track, and that they feel you are open.

7) Legitimize. Again, this doesn’t mean agree. It means that, based on where the other person is coming from, you can understand why they said what they said. “I can understand why that would cause a problem for you”.

8) Offer to explore solutions. This is different from offering solutions. If you offer a solution out of hand, you might be shot down. It is better to ask permission to participate in the problem solving process. Ask “Would it be helpful to you to consider what can be done to resolve this?” Keep the sentence generic and don’t say ‘we’ or ‘I’: you don’t want to inadvertently assume responsibility for a solution, because it may not be yours to assume. You want to promote feedback as to just how willing the person is to assume responsibility for finding a solution.

9) Establish your boundaries. You have asked reasonable questions and you are entitled to reasonable and courteous replies. If you don’t understand the problem or how you can help solve it, stand your ground. Point out, if necessary, that you are asking questions because of your concern that this person be able to solve the situation. Simply asking “what can I do to help?” might make the person realize that it really isn’t your responsibility to solve the problem.

10) Use as much force as necessary to enforce the boundaries you’ve set. Occasionally someone just won’t let go, and they will return to the same litany over an over, or throw in nasty digs or accusations that can be way off the mark. If you have listened, acknowledged, explored, legitimized, and offered and they just aren’t satisfied, you might have to make your stance clear. “I think I understand your concern, and I have offered to help you reach a solution. What more do you want?” If the person is unreasonable, judge just how far you need to go by observing their demeanor, and whether you feel the situation is salvageable. If they become verbally abusive, you can simply say “I’m sorry. I don’t believe I can help you any further, and I don’t appreciate your tone. If you are going to speak to me that way, I’m afraid you’ll have to work it out for yourself. I don’t appreciate abuse.”

Adapted from a www.topten.com article by Shale Paul

3rd Article - Anger Management

2005-06-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

“How-to” Tips

Anger is a natural response that everyone has. There are many specific things that can cause anger (someone using your ideas and not giving you credit for them, a belittling comment made by a coworker, an unexpectedly poor test mark) but they all boil down to two basic causes:

Frustration (not getting what we want, especially if we were expecting to get it)

Feeling that others do not respect us, or care how we feel.

Everyone feels angry at one time or another, but we all need to be able to deal with our anger in a way that is respectful to others and to ourselves.

First, recognize how you feel and what made you feel that way. Take some deep breaths to help your body relax, and start solving the problem by working through your own feelings. Are you mad because a coworker took your stapler when you needed it, or are you mad because you feel like the person didn’t help out all week though you repeatedly mentioned a harsh work overload? Sort out what actually made you angry, and then decide how to appropriately deal with the issue.

Remember, if you are mad at someone, it is often because you THINK the person meant to be disrespectful or uncaring. It is very possible that you misread their motive – or they didn’t get your message. Most arguments start from misunderstanding. Managing anger often means managing communication - are you sure the other person is aware of your problem, and intentionally ignoring it? Make sure you are on the same page.

Express yourself – as long as it won’t do more harm than good in the long run. In most cases, you can tell others how you feel in a non-confrontational way. Being assertive is not being aggressive – use a lot of “I” sentences. Just think: wouldn’t you be more considerate if someone says “I feel like you didn’t understand me when I asked . . .” as opposed to “You aren’t listening to me! You were told . . .”

Sometimes going to the person who made you angry just isn’t a good idea. If that is the case, vent to a friend. They will probably sympathize, and maybe make some suggestions. If you can, take a mini-break and go for a short walk, or create a mental escape such as singing to the radio when you are stuck in traffic.

And don’t forget – sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes you can’t change a situation, and you only hurt yourself when you stay angry at something beyond your control. It is better to forgive – though this can be the hardest coping strategy, it is the most powerful. Make the conscious decision not to hold something against someone. It won’t change the past, but neither will holding on to your anger.

Update on the van . . .

2005-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing to update! Someone asked what happened with that dent . . . yeah, mom hasn't said anything about it since. One of my friends said that my house was like the United Nations. I guess that makes mom Switzerland. Too bad she isn't rich.

I can assume my dad hasn't found out, seeing as I haven't woken up dead yet.

I'm more likely to really piss him off, and suddenly he will take the van in for a repair, and bill me for it. But then again, he gets really pissed at me all the time, so maybe not.

Quasi-hungover

2005-06-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Right, I have spent the last week kinda hungover-feeling, from sleep deprivation. But Because I'm a hungoverlike space cadet, I have no time to do everything I am supposed to do, relax to feel sorry for myself, and fit in more than 6 hrs sleep a night. It's like when I'm too stressed out about having tons of homework to do the homework.

And I told my boss I would go running with her Friday morning . . as in, actually doing the running at 6:00. I think I fell off my rocker there. Ah well.

Gotta go not-sleep some more.

2nd (post-edited) Article for Newsletter.

2005-06-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

Safety – it’s no joke
By [Lu] Hill

Mill tours have started again, and apart from showing the public what we do here, they have served to remind me how much I have learned since I started working at the site. This is my third summer here, so I can still clearly remember my dismay as I learned how much personal protective equipment I was required to wear. But after two weeks, it was automatic and rarely bothered me. Tour takers are often surprised by the amount of safety gear I have them don. The escape respirator is always looked at sideways (“How often do you use these?”) and once they gear up, they often complain about being warm. Well, just wait . . . again, the heat is something we get accustomed to.
Some tourists have worked in industrial settings before, and show respect and understanding of large machines and the precautions we need to take. One particular construction worker, a tourist from the EU, was happy as a kid in Disneyland when he got to see a crane operator transfer a huge order from one machine to another. A worker on the floor noticed our interest, explained a point or two, and confirmed it was safe to stand where we were. The construction worker’s wife tried not to shake her head as he had me draw in the tour route on his site map souvenir afterwards. She had mock-solemnly told me that they were going to be experts in wood, having already taken a Weyerhauser tour and inspected the BC Forest Discovery Centre.

Some tourists are less impressed by the scale and power of the machines, and I have to be careful that they don’t dawdle and fall behind the group. As I lead tours down beside a conveyor line, I always ask that people be aware of the conveyor hazard, though adult groups are allowed to reach out and touch the moving goods. I also point out the trip wire running beside the conveyor, to pull if a worker gets caught. This gave one person an idea, and a minute later he gave a yell, as if pulled into the conveyor. It only took a second before I realized that he was just fooling around, but as you can imagine, I was not amused. Why can’t he see that safety isn’t a joke around here? Powerful machinery should command serious respect. I whipped around and glared at him. “That was NOT funny” I automatically growled into my mike and therefore every tourist’s ears. I considered launching into a riff on appropriate behaviour in an industrial setting (which would be beamed into every tour hardhat) but restrained myself to a very dire look. “It’s just a joke” he said lamely broadcasting through his mike (something he was instructed not to do, for safety reasons). “It is not a funny one” I repeated.

Tour safety is a serious concern of mine, because though tourists are told what is expected of them, they don’t always understand or notice all hazards. I do my best to point out and avoid hazards along the route, and I would like to thank the maintenance people, crane operators, and workers who confirm when it is safe for the tour to go through hazardous areas.

First article for the newsletter. Haha, someone published me! I don't care if it is just an in-house newsletter . . .

2005-06-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

Foodsafe Quiz
From [Lu] Hill

At a recent safety meeting, Jennifer Smith of Word Wise Services gave a half hour presentation on Foodsafe.
Even experienced cooks may be surprised by some items on the not-to-do list of common bad practices. How safe is your kitchen? Try our kitchen knowledge quiz below, and see if you should update your kitchen habits! For more tips on food safety, go to http://www.foodsafe.ca/.

Kitchen Knowledge Quiz

1. You see a spot of mould on your cheese – what do you do?
a) Cut off all visible mould on hard cheese (cheddar etc) or soft cheese (like Camembert etc.)
b) Throw it out, throw it ALL out.
c) Cut one inch off the cheese where the mould grew on hard cheeses, and throw out all soft cheeses.
d) Hey, cheese is mould. No worries. Especially if you cook it – the mould would die.

2. What is the most bacteria laden place in Canadian homes?
a) The toilet seat
b) The microwave ceiling
c) The dishrag in the sink

3. How can you sanitize a sponge?
a) Soak it in say a teaspoon of bleach and three cups of water.
b) Zap it in the microwave.
c) Put it in a couple cups of hot, soapy water and a teaspoon of bleach.

4. How many cases of food poisoning occur in Canada each year?
a) A couple dozen
b) A couple hundred
c) A couple thousand
d) A couple million

5. How should you defrost your chicken?
a) Leave it out on the counter overnight, just like Mom and Grandma did.
b) Put it in your fridge for a day or two.
c) If you are in a rush, put it in warm running water.
d) Microwave it.

Answers:

1 - ‘c’. The mould you see is only the tip of the iceberg – mould spores have spread inside the cheese. Also, just cooking food properly will not prevent all food borne illnesses. Some bacteria leave a toxin that will cause illness or even death.

2 - ‘c’. Damp dishrags are breeding grounds for bacteria. Either use them once, or sanitize them as you would a sponge, below.

3 - ‘a’ or 'b' if done propperly. A soak in three cups of water and a teaspoon of bleach is a great way to sanitize sponges, veggie brushes, dishrags and other kitchen items. Also use the same strength solution in a squirt bottle to spray on countertops before you wipe them, and in a jar to store damp dishrags for re-use. Soap added to the mix will actually react with the bleach and make it LESS effective. A microwave could also disinfect these items – assuming you are boiling them for two minutes.

4 - ‘d’. An estimated two million cases of food poisoning occur in Canada each year. Only about one in 350 of these cases is reported.

5 - ‘b, c or d’ depending on the size and time limit. Defrosting a large chicken or other large meat or dairy dish should be done in your fridge. Be careful that it does not drip on any other food while it is in there. Yes, it takes more time – but by leaving it on the counter the outside defrosts first, and bacteria can be multiplying rapidly in the 4C-60C (40F-140F) danger zone while the centre is still frozen hard.
So, how come mom and grandma are still around? Though you will probably be okay if you cook the chicken thoroughly, you don’t want to wait for the day you don’t. Also, Mom and Grandma may have suffered through the 24 hour flu a few times more than they had to. By the way, there is no such thing as 24 hour flu; it was probably food poisoning every time.
If you need to defrost something quickly, immerse it in warm (not hot) running water. Smaller amounts of food can be defrosted in the microwave on the ‘defrost’ setting.

Busted!

2005-06-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

So, the other day my mom pops into my room and says "so, has your brother been driving the van at all? Say, while we were on vacation?"

I look up with a blank expression. Very blank.

She looks to be enjoying herself. "Because someone asked me if he was getting his learners license . . . apparently they saw him driving recently . . . "

I attempt a nice confused look, but suspect the look is unconvincing and my defences are nil. I know where this is going.

"So, has your brother perhaps been driving . . . into trees? That dent on the van . . . " Mom is definitely finding this amusing.

I am starting to look less fake-confused and more guilty. Clearly, I will not be able to cook up a good story here.

"I say nothing." I attempt to regain the blank look. Mom is already looking knowing and amused. She probably won't be telling Dad, or she would be looking rather more fearful for my life.

Dad, of course, has no doubt that I am likely to run into things with vehicles. The fact that this hasn't happened in, say, 6 years when I was a very new driver does not signify with him. He thinks every line of dirt on any vehicle is a scratch, and all the scratches would be naturally caused by me. Assuming whoever chatted with mom doesn't chat with him, he won't think too hard. And even if they did, he might not be instantly suspicious. I bet that the dent on the van was the reason my mom believed my brother was driving.

Well, for once it's a good thing dad has like no realistic idea of what I actually do.

First mill tour - done and done

2005-06-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

I was just in Vic for the first time since April. I need a car . . . . aaargh.
Carly came down from Smithers, so I campaigned for a week to borrow one.
Smithers being 4 hrs north of Prince George, I figured that I won't be making it up to see her . . .
I only get weekends off till Aug 31. Then I move back to go to Uni. My summer would be pathetic, but actually I like my job, and I have been seeing more of my old friends than usual.

I gave my first mill tour yesterday. It went fine, which means that by the end of the summer they will go well, chachacha.
Today I got a request for a tour for 40 engineering students from the esquimalt forces base
I can only take half at a time, and am going to rope some young interesting engineers into speaking with/to the other ones as I lead them around the mill.
I bet you they are the most likely guys not to listen to anything I say on tour . . . especially about staying behind lines etc . . . and will trail behind for like 100 m and I will be tempted to make them all hold onto a rope like a playschool class. Guys in their 20s have no interest in listening to me chirp safety stuff at them.

And as my parting comment, I submit a joke.
'why do men love it when women dress up all in leather?'
'They smell like a new truck"

PS the harder you laugh, the harder it will be to convince me that you are not a redneck. Hell, my one friend just about fell off his tractor . . .

Quads and traintracks gaaah

2005-05-24T17:26:00.000-07:00

Kevin picked me up halfway down the traintracks with his quad. And if I have any sense, it will be the last time . . . I think I'd rather walk.

Kev doesn't listen so well . . .I say he should go slower because I am thinking I'm going to fall off and die . . . he's like, naaah, this is fun. Not so much. I think he paid more attention when I quit telling him off and just chomped on his shoulder. . . not that he slowed down very much.

Yeah, I think I will just walk next time. Going around 80 km/hr on the traintracks is only supposed to happen when you are in the freaking train.

Exceeeedingly intelligent, momentarily me

2005-05-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I worked till 10:20 pm. Yeah, you heard it. There was a big meeting in the town near the mill, where they went over the peer reviews from the air hazard study done over the last two years. It was actually really interesting - and if I'm lucky, my question to the experts might get on TV. This is because, unlike everyone else there, I wasn't involved in any pissing contest, didn't have to defend my science or my morals or my previous actions, and wondered why noone had asked where the experts would recommend the mill actually put their money in the FUTURE if they want to protect the health of the locals. Everyone else was bitching or defending what had already been done, it seems. I also asked what the locals could do to assist in appropriate testing. Of course, the experts were cut off before they had entirely finished addressing the question. Figures, eh? But the mill manager, one of the experts, and the environmental manager for the mill said I had the best question. Did I mention that I am exceedingly intelligent? Well, I temporarily was. The journalist who jotted my name down was not so smart - he assumed I was from that town. I corrected him, and waited for the obvious response "Oh, are you a mill employee?". Nope, he didn't even ask. I might be touted as a concerned citizen, who knows. Probably my soundbite will show at two in the morning, and everybody else will show the guy who was almost frothing at the mouth.

I expect some pissing contests and attacks will be on the news for wicked soundbites. Apparenly the previous meetings had more in common with Jerry Springer than organized forums with a chairman and motions and so on. The poor chair of the forum had to get savvy at chairing and fast.

Anyways, after that I just went home, told my dad what went on, and slept. Today I got the afternoon off, and used it to do a bit more work for the mill (Yeah, I might be a bit of a keener, but I kinda like my job) and went shopping in a nearb tourist trap town. I bought a bunch of my favourite cups and saucers (Royal Albert kicks ass), all used so they averaged like 12 bucks, in good condition. Some of them are maybe 90 years old. None of the ones I bought for me match, though they all pretty much go together. I bought a plate and a sugar bowl that will go with some plates my mom has - the closest thing we have to family heirlooms. Yeah, none of my family lines ever had any money for really fancy shit until after the depression, so no oak furniture for me. That's probably why I love antiques so much. Antique books, furniture, clothing, ancient houses, the whole thing - I'm fascinated.

My friend got into med school! Hot guys and my rampant imagination . . .

2005-05-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Apart from this giving me mini conniption fits like *what am I doing with my life, I have no direction, my future is a black hole!* and *OMG was I supposed to start growing up now I am heading towards my MIDDLE TWENTIES?* I think this is just great. Good going Keltie!!! Not that I am surprised, mind. Also, she got into the med school of her choice . . . and will end up living near me again for a year and a half at least! !Aha, and even if we don't end up roommates again and just live withing visiting distance, I am hoping that she can introduce me to supposedly smart (or at least driven) guys. That would be a nice change . . . maybe some of them could even be interesting hot guys . . . Hah, my imagination churns faster and faster . . .

There is this guy at the mill, this engineer that I met two summers back . . . I used to have the hardest time not watching his cute butt if he walked down the hallway ahead of me. I got to go see him today, to collect some information for the tour script I am rewriting. He is not as hot as I thought he was when I was mid-crush. But he still makes me act like a bit more of an idiot than I actually am, just by looking at me and acting entirely normal. Gotta love that part. He offered to help me out with calc in the summer when I first met him, and I thought GOD NO, he will find out how dumb I am, calc-wise. Later on I learned that he was dating a social science major, only a year ahead of me at the uni . . . and I was like hell, she probably can't do calc either. Why do I make these assumptions that someone is above my *dating level* or whatever the hell I assume? I mean, he probably is bright, being an engineer who fast tracked it a bit . . . but still, I didn't even make the attempt. I probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere, but I didn't even try to find out. Laaaame

Also, my dad is assisting this german guy I know, a couple years older than me, who wants to get back into Canada to work. He has an assured job if he can get back here, though his student job placement has expired. I asked my dad why else he was coming back here immediately (work permits take freaking aaaages to go through the system - Canada is really not all that immigration friendly as most people think). Dad says it is to visit his girlfried. I go, what girlfriend? He says me. Hah, apparently his big brain is cooking up multiple cover stories already. I would say he has watched the movie "Green Card" once too often, but knowing him, a story he spins will sound like it is true by the time he has it propperly groomed. Or maybe it was just me that saw the movie once too often, the guy was kinda cute, and accents are always a plus . . .

Maybe I just need to get myself back on the dating scene again . . . Is there a dating scene in my hometown? I have heard unappetizing things about it. Heh, I could always hitch a ride with Kevin to the 'Lixy. I hear they have mother-daughter date tag teams. That was all I needed to hear, never been there.

Working for a living

2005-05-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

'Hey, it finally happened . . . I'm slightly mad!' (Queen)

Well, actually, what finally happened is that I found a job (even if only a two-summer student job) that I actually like enough that I will spend extra UNPAID time at it, just because I am interested in what I am doing and want to do it well. Not that I couldn't do it well in the time I am paid for, and my boss certainly doesn't expect me to stay late . . . but I like finishing up certain things just because I like it. Hah, and here I thought I would always be a clock-watcher. Well, well, there is hope for me yet.

The job, if I haven't already bragged, is as a tour guide at a nearby mill. I am not union - as I was last summer; which netted me three times the minimum wage an hour, lots of grunge work that was usually boring, more days off, fewer hours, and a few thousand dollars more in the end. I had a choice, too - I could have gone back to that job, but decided I wanted a challenge, even if it meant less cash. Even at less cash I am still making twice as much as your average full time student though. I am a lucky, lucky widget . . . most people get into the mill by nepotism. ME getting into the mill is actually my escape from nepotism . . . no longer will I have to get construction jobs (more money and less being nice than retail) and wonder if the people hired me because they know my dad! And me not feeling sure of getting my job back at the mill means that, unlike some students I have met there, I actually work hard. Some of them act like maybe their union parents do - hey, who here gets fired? Not the union guys! I don't think they even managed to fire any of the guys that like to go hide somewher in the mill and sleep (even though that is hugely unsafe and of course not exactly producing any work).

Anyways, I'll come back and edit this later. Somehow I didn't have anything to post for a while, then boom, ten ideas at once, five of them probably not worth sharing. Lalalala, in a good mood . . . bye!

On Birthdays

2005-05-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

(Another marathon comment first made on Dru's page)

Hey, my birthday is on the most major family holiday my family celebrates. No points for the correct answer of Christmas. We are not religious, so we sort of move the holiday around to accomodate my mom's work schedule. Because I am so used to the family celebrations taking over my birthday, I now insist that my birthday is celebrated the same day as Christmas dinner anyways. The family part of it never bothered me - I've never had a bithday on any other day, so I never missed being the star of the show for the day. Helping entertain and make Christmas dinner is feels like the important part of getting credit for surviving another 365 days as a Hill family member.

The only downside is that none of my friends are ever free on my birthday, and not enough of them are free to have a party within two weeks before or afterwards, so my party gets put off till late January or never happens. Few people remember to bring presents, and when they do, I feel like a fraud.

I suspect that my parents try to make up for it by buying me particularly nice presents at that time, so I'm not jipped by design . . . but if I want something I can't or won't buy for myself, and develop this want in January, it's a bitch. So is stuff that has renewal dates on your birthday, like licenses. And people who go "you're a Christmas baby? Really?" and make me want to point out that probably one in 365 people are. But birthdays are all what you make of them.

In Bavaria, people celebrated their name days (the anniversary of theri first communion) more than their birthdays. My ex's Chinese parents would do a Chinese celebration on their birthday as listed by the Chinese calendar, and a westernized birthday on the birthdate on their Canadian citizenship and licenses. The Chinese have a month for each moon exactly, yet they name only 12 months. If there are thirteen moons in a year, they just repeat a month (if you ever wondered why Chinese New Year moves around). My ex's dad would sometimes rack in 3 birthdays in one year.

One of my most interesting birthdays (17th or so) involved me taking my grandma to the ER because she broke her finger. We waited for hours (low staffing on Christmas), and she fell asleep. Her snores were not loud enough to block out the interview going on in the room behind me . . . The cops had brought in some unwashed hairy looking dude, in handcuffs, and left him to be interviewed by the doctor. I assume they were also understaffed? Anyways, the doctor was clearly not willing to be in a closed room with him, and I could overhear the doctor carefully asking him the questions that were no doubt a prerequisite to admittance to the fourth floor(psychiatric unit). Aaand the guy was a DEFINITE candidate. When he was asked why he was brought here by the cops, he said it was a mix up. He had tried to explain to them that he had killed the cat, with a brick, because it had been stalking him, and plotting his demise. He detailed its repeated attempts to assasinate him, despite his precautions such as boarding up his windows etc. The interview continued in this fashion. My little ears remained cocked. It was all very informative, and the time passed very quickly.

That's Gratitude!!

2005-05-04T14:48:00.000-07:00

Well, on my way home from visiting my grandpa, I decided to stop in at the mechanics and get an estimate. I was hoping that my redneck buddy's guestimate of "hmm, new bumper, remove panel to repair repaint - $700 bucks, Hill, good job . . ." was going to be a bit inflated (yes, he calls me Hill, and he calls my brother Little Hill). Sadly, the estimate was $808. Aargh. My dad can probably get a better deal somewhere . . . or hopefully he will at least not mind the shallow dents above the bumper, which would halve the price . . . I can't have it repaired this week anyways, because I need the car for work and have no other vehicle.

Anyways, I give my brother the estimate to look at too, and he is similarly horrified. But he is immediately cheered when I tell him that he doesn't have to pay for it, because it was (unfortunately) my idea, and it was an honest mistake of his. I tell him that he will have some sucking up to do . . . he has to be nice, maybe do his homework for once without me having to campaign and threaten and cajole. He immediately goes into whine mode about how his miniscule attention span for boring crap makes it so hard for him . . . a few minutes later I go "Hey, how about you take me out for ice cream, seeing as I'm going to take the fall for this?" He replies "well, I can show you where the fudgesicles are . . . " Cheapskate! What gratitude!

Of course, as soon as I swing into cheapskate ingrate recriminations, and threaten to write him up in my blog, he swears it was a joke. Uh huh. He is also peeved that he doesn't have the blog address. I'm not sure if he wants to defend himself, or gather info to own my soul if he tells Dad on me if my life ever gets interesting. Anything interesting is suspect for Dad. What do you say, should he get a chance to defend himself? For a 14 year old dude he is surprisingly literate.

As it is, and while my brother is unlikely to get a swelled head, I figure I'm going to make him drive more. Hell, if he picks up any more dents, I can say it all happened at the same time. The back bumper needs to be entirely replaced anyways, so backing into things just got a lot less expensive . . .

Coverup needed! Tips required!

2005-05-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about makeup either . . . ah, if only it were a pimple the size of Mt Baker (like my roommate always wails about). Nooo, me and my brother have finally hit the stage where we have fucked something up that will undoubtedly require some real ingenuity and a shared story to keep the parents off our backs. Ah, finally the kid is old enough that we have graduated to being partners in crime instead of snitching on eachother.

Whenever I am around and I remember, I try to get my brother to drive around empty parking lots and so on (which has only ammounted to like ten times in the past two years). Sure, he's got a year and a half before he can legally get a learner's licence, but I remember trying to learn to drive with my dad at 16 and it was HELL. He is NOT a low stress person to learn from, regardless of the fact that he is a good driver. Dad makes a lousy passenger for ANYONE, let alone a newbie driver. So I figured that I would jump start my brother on the whole driving thing. Besides, bunny hopping is really amusing if it isn't me doing the lousy driving. Well, this has all gone relatively well, and this week the parents are away, and I am in charge. I got my brother to drive on the road just near our house in the automatic, and decided that he did alright, so I figured I would have him drive away from the house this morning. So, we decide exactly which way we are going, and where we will switch over. He pulls backwards out of the drive just fine, then fiddles with the gear change stick thingie (what is it in an automatic anyways?). I figured he had put it into drive. Sadly no . . . so when he gives her a little to much gas, we back into a tree with a nice thunk.

Ah well. I was like, hmm, how about we go back into the driveway then, shall we? I was actually pretty matter of fact, and not pissy or accusative at all, but my brother was already telling me that we were dead, and it was mostly my fault. We get out of the van and take a look at it . . . sure enough, the plastic whatever bumper is totally pushed in at the one corner, and there is a small dent on the metal an inch away from the back door. My brother didn't freak out, but he is clearly apprehensive.

I still find the situation overly amusing, considering the expected parental reaction. The only time I ever hit anything was in parking lots, and the scratch I put on a vehicle was when someone else backed out into me, and my dad was in the passenger seat. I guess I figure that if I have to say it was me, after six years of pretty blameless driving, my dad won't totally wring my neck. I'm sure he'll spaz a bit, and since obviously I have no phone number from someone else, I'm going to get the razz for backing into something that doesn't move. Well, alternately I could swear someone backed into me in the parking lot and didn't leave their number . . . or I could say that I was going to let the brother drive to the mailbox . . . but ratting out on my brother will do bad things to his poor fragile driving confidence, which is what I was trying to promote in the first place. And I will be in shit anyways for letting the little twit drive. The hit-and-run thing has some promise though . . . So, people, give me advice! What should I do?

The one thing that I am sure to try is to ask a mechanic friend what I can be done. If he says he knows how to fix it, I'm gonna try to bribe him with food or beer or something. If that fails, I will have to pay him, or ask him to recommed someone (seeing as I don't think I want to go to my dad's mechanics unless I have decided that a partial coverup won't work). I know that even the small dent in the metal will eventually be noticed, and the bend mark in the plastic will be aparent even if it does go back to its usual shape. My brother is already giving me the lecture on how with dad, it is best to own up early. I am thinking he wants ME to own up to it though. Well, it was my idea . . . So, what do you think is my best bet?

P.S. My lying skills are not stellar but they are workable . . . I know I will look embarassed when I bring it up, but I will just have to admit to something. If I say it was hit and run, I can sorta admit to a bad parking job, if pressed.

Fast funny reads, and a new author to hunt.

2005-05-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I have definitely read a bunch of fluff lately. Some of it had some redeeming qualities though . . .

Meggin Cabot: She Went All the Way and Boy Meets Girl
Jennifer Crusie: Bet Me
Sarah O'Brien: Hot Property

All of this stuff was mystery-flavoured romantic comedy. The Cabot and the Crusie were light and well written, as per usual, and the O'Brien was inoffensive and interesting mainly in that it was set in Ireland. Oh, and none of it had overtly strict gender roles, which sadly abound in romance books. Boy Meets Girlwasn't quite as good as the other stuff I have read by that author (who also writes as Patricia Cabot, Meg Cabot, and Jenny Carroll). This is partly due to the format - everything is in the form of emails between friends, enemies, love prospects, and coworkers.

I read a YA novel by Cameron Dokey, How Not to Spend Your Senior Year, and was really impressed. I thought it was going to be a really light read, but it was actually more than entertainment. I keep thinking about the situation the characters were in, and how the author managed to red herring me so well. A few deft touches really turned the characters from stock comedy/adventure plug-ins into people I really empathized with. I read so many books that I am so happy when I find a decent plot twist that I can't predict, but doesn't come off as forced or exceedingly unlikely. I have just found out that she has like 20 more books around, and now must hunt them down . . .

Another book which was much more realistic than expected (and HELLA more realistic than the movie) was Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. The movie format didn't do justice to the book at all, because though some short sections were almost verbatim, somehow most of the depth was lost. All the characters got more stereotyped (and irritating, in my opinion) in the movie. The book was toned more like the movie Mean Girls, which actually had some morals hidden in it, while still being relatively realistic and watchable.

P.S. I have a guy friend who said that he quite enjoyed the CoaTDQ movie. I now attribute that mostly to a schoolboy crush of surprising proportions on Lindsay Lohan. And here I thought he was a relatively mature, sensible guy. I assume he missed large sections of the overdone dialogue while examining LL's person in her varied and usually form fitting costumes.

I read Requiem, the third book in the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, and found it was entertaining, exciting, and relatively unpredictable, and the teenage characters had the general insights (and characteristic lack of insight) of real teenagers. The Meg Cabot / Jenny Carroll series are remarkably reliable - I haven't been disappointed yet.

Thog Rules! Writing mistakes that give me hope. . .

2005-04-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

When in Germany I found out about Ansible, the most popular fandom e-newsletter for fantasy and science fiction. Sure, some of it makes little sense to people not in the world of fandom, but some sections are hilarious. My favourite section is Thog's Masterclass, which is basically a collection of disastrously bad lines that somehow snuck into the published version of what are often very good books by great authors. I LOVE it. If this kind of thing can get published, maybe some of my writing will get into print!

What is Thog's Masterclass? Go here, go 'ctrl+f', enter in Thog and READ

Search for Thog's Masterclass in the Ansible newsletter! So bad its great!

For those too lazy to search, a Thog's Masterclass special compilation

Also, there some hilarious happenings in the publishing or fandom world that are recounted in the newsletter, with some hilarious quotes by and about famous authors.

Fandom and other web finds: pointy latex ears NOT necessary

2005-04-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked into science fiction or fantasy fandom? When I was researching my favourite authors, I found loads of material on their appearances at different conventions. Sometimes their speeches are transcribed on the web, sometimes a whole discussion panel of authors is transcribed or condensed, and in one place I found 40 minute cybercast by LM Bujold and many other great authors at the 2004 National Book Festival. http://www.loc.gov/bookfest/04/cybercasts/index.html

I first discovered this wealth of book related material when I was an exchange student in Germany, where books in English cost and arm and a leg. It took me about four months before I was reading in German, so before then I was DESPERATE for reading matter, and found all sorts of insane and fascinating material on the web. No, you do not need to put on fake pointy ears or Bajoran earrings or something to enjoy the world of fandom. If I lived in a bigger city, I would try to hit up some conventions myself and meet some of my favourite authors. Until then, sometimes the material on an author's site can be a great way to distract myself before the publication of their next book. www.RobinMcKinley.com has stuff on it that is frankly more entertaining than some of the author's books, and I think her books are great.

Apart from the fandom stuff I found the first few chapters of many novels, some whole entire novels, and many, many interviews of authors. For free writing, I recommend the Baen Free Library http://www.baen.com/library. Some of the books are the first books in good series. Some of the books are not so good. But hey, free is free. The introduction to the Baen Free Library was actually interesting (or maybe in my media-desperate state I just thought it was at the time).

Lois McMaster Bujold has a lot of free chapters on the web on the Baen site, and one free novella. I can't say how much I love her work. Just start reading it, and I won't have to. She has won the most Nebulas and Hugos since Asimov, if that helps. It is all adult stuff, though I wish I had found it sooner. The mix of humour and action, philosphy and drama is perfect. Her characterization is so good that people keep asking her if she has psychology training. She has two series, and one stand alone novel. However, each of her novels can stand alone, though they are still best read as a series. In her (Science Fiction) Vorkosigan series, start with Shards of Honor or Cordelia's Honor (which is a compendium of Shards of Honor and the next book in the series, Barrayar). The Warrior's Apprentice is the third book in the series, but also a good place to start, because the torch is passed to a new main character. Note that Young Miles has the third and fourth books in the series, and the novella that occurs in between. The Curse of Chalion is the first of the more serious fantasy series. The Spirit Ring is fantasy, and stands alone. http://www.dendarii.com/ebooks.html

Review: Meg Cabot / Jenny Carroll YA series

2005-04-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was quite stressed this last month, and looking for some total fluff to get me past exam time. I fell upon a treasure trove of light reads after picking up The Princess Diaries. I had wondered if it was as fluffy as the cover looked, and it actually isn't. The author does a quite an apt job of describing the realities of being a teenager learning about friendships, dating, your parents dating, and what you owe to your family versus what you owe to yourself. Even the princess gimmick isn't total cotton candy fare, and has the reader consider that the usual ideas of the life of a princess are probably FAR from reality. Apart from some good ideas on how to write from the point of view of a teenager, I also had a few great laughs, so plowed throught he first four in the series. There are several more Princess novels and some other associated books, as well as the movies.
1) Princess Diaries,
2) Princess in the Spotlight
3) Princess in Love
4) Princess in Waiting

At the same time I started reading two other series by the same writer, which were originally written under the name Jenny Carroll.

The first series, 1-800-WHERE-R-U, is now a TV show, 1-800-MISSING, with a suspicous number of Canadian actors, including Catriona Scorsone and Gloria Reuben. Maybe it is filmed up here. Anyways, from the little I saw of the show, it isn't much like the first four books in the series at all. The first four books in the series are funny, quirky and full of action (with some girl ass-kicking that is much more realistic than that found on Buffy: Vampire Slayer). The books go beyond just entertainment by adressing issues including duty and patriotism vs. personal rights, corruption, paramilitary activity, racism, gangs, and social strata. Of the three series I liked this one best because of the issues raised. Only four are currently published, and the series might be ended.
1) When Lightning Strikes
2) Code Name Cassandra
3) Safe House
4) Sanctuary

The Mediator series is similar to the 1-800-WHERE-R-U series in ass kicking content and a bit of supernatural ability, and also raises some world issues. I liked the take on how a teenage girl might deal with a new step family. So far I have read the 2nd, 4th and 5th books of the series listed in order below. The 6th book was recently published.
1) Shadowland
2) Ninth Key
3) Reunion
4) Darkest Hour
5) Haunted: a tale of the Mediator (published with the author as Meg Cabot)
6) Twilight: a tale of the Mediator (published with authorship attributed to Meg Cabot)

Inconsequentialities

2005-04-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I bought a hot bathing suit. Anyways, I assume that a small bikini in 4 shades of green that has four things I have to tie to make it stay on should be hot. It had better be hot. . . I can't think of anything else that covered so little skin and cost me so much. I also got a nice haircut and a wicked straightener/style job at the same time as my friend, so I was looking as well as feeling hot.

Yesterday continued on well, and I managed to be taken to the birthday party of someone I thought I didn't know, and it turns out it was someone I had intended to get to know a while back. This was also surprise to a friend of the birthday girl, this guy that I have been compared to, usually unfavourably, by my parents since I was seven. His parents are close family friends. I was pleased to screw him over in some drinking game directly after he told me that I was going to be the one who lost bad and would needed to be carried home. Lately though I have got along with him better, and envy him a lot less. I guess it means I'm evolving, when I seem to get past being enemies with people, and put a stop on making new ones.

After the party we all went out dancing, and I danced like a crazy girl for three hours. I have corroberation on the crazy part . . . that's what most of the guys I dance with say. My roommate assures me it is just because most of the girls in the clubs are too busy trying to fit in and don't just go for it. My favourite people to dance with are people who don't give a fuck (assuming they usually keep their elbows to themselves), and I hope that some people get a similar kick out of me. What's the point of dancing if you can't just have fun without thinking too hard? If I wanted to think harder, I would take more ballroom/salsa/swing classes.

Books glorious books . . . Why and What I plan to review here.

2005-04-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Right, after eating and cooking, I spend much of my waking life reading and writing. I have always meant to make a note of all the books I read, and have drawn up an excel spreadsheet to keep track of which books I have read, own in hardcover or paperback (and which language I own them in), how I have rated them, who I have gifted them to, and so on. Unfortunately I usually go from finishing one book to reading another without putting it on the spreadsheet. I think I might give up the pretense of keeping track of the hundreds of books I read a year, and just annotate the really remarkable ones, and the ones I have in my library.

BUT I really do want to be able to look back and see what I have read, and how much of each type of book . . . I have the feeling that I go in weird cycles and reread my favourite books in times of stress. That could also be because during exam times, I cut myself off from the library and only have in-house stuff to consume. Sort of like a book diet, but as with most diets, success is minimal. Anyways, I plan to review the books I read here, on my blog. Hopefully I'll admit to most of the crap books I read as well as the more worthy items. Maybe it will inspire me to read more quality reads, and more of the classics that I have been meaning to get to . . . some of which I even own. My current roommate has sadly been the only one to read my copies of Vanity Fair and The World According to Garp. It's not that I don't think I would appreciate the books . . . but they look like a pretty steep committment during the school terms, and also I own them. No due date and they are less likely to be snagged on a whim for ten minutes entertainment, which is usually how I start an multi-hour reading binge.

It should be noted that my idea of an embarassing book to be found reading is not standard. Several of my favourite authors are young adult authors, and as far as I am concerned they write some of the best stuff anyone can read. Diana Wynne Jones, my favourite YA writer, has a huge following of adult fans (many of whom notice that not only is her stuff deeper and more original than JK Rowling, but she has been writing it for 30 years). Her take on writing adult books is that she has to dumb things down for adults . . . children are often more perceptive, and think about the characters and pick up on tones and clues faster than adults do. I must agree that the current trend in general fiction seems to be SPELLING EVERYTHING OUT, which is why I love DWJ and Lois McMaster Bujold. They have a theory that the reader will be able to fill in all sorts of blanks, and that the reader will bring in a lot to their reading experience . . . a writer might write on a blank page, but the reader doesn't come to the book with a blank mind. I hope that my writing will eventually show the same respect for the reader. Most importantly, I hope that I eventually have readers . . . but hell, aim high and you might miss, but you won't be shooting yourself in the foot. My favourite reads are NOT predictable, and make me feel I have learned something about people and life.

One of the reasons that I read so much Young Adult stuff is that as far as I can tell, most of the plotlines I work on are young adult oriented. Hell, a lot of the most interesting and complicated adventures in your life happen when you lack real responsibilities, hormonal control, and common sense. Something suggests to me that the age of 13 to 21 is ripe for this. Besides, I don't know a whole lot about what it feels like to be 40, and I would prefer to keep the non-fantasy elements of my books as plausible as possible.

Food glorious food!

2005-04-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

I was reading one of my roommate's old Vogues today, and in between hundreds of adds I found something beautiful. (I never buy fashion or gossip mags, I swear. Bringing home the the US magazine I found on the bus last week doesn't count). Anyways, this example of beauty was found in the People are talking about FOOD section. The description of some of the gorgeous handmade foods (especially the best pizza the food writer ever found) made me want to throw myself down on the ground and roll about, or jump up and down and screech in food avarice. These are the same symptoms I get when in thrall of an extreme sushi craving. I'm not chubby enough anymore to make rolling around on the ground all that fun, and I have neighbours below, so I'm trying to write it out of my system. But clearly something more vigorous is needed.

Much of the time when I develop a sudden food desire, I can go make something that will either quench it or get close enough . . . but when it is sushi, or some of the delicacies mentioned here, I know that it just wont work, and I am in bittersweet agony or envy of the person who got to eat such a beauteous thing. The only cure is to go to the Yokohama (should it be sushi-enduced, seeing as the Yokahama in Vic, next to the corner of Blanshard and Broughton, simply ROCKS) or find some elaborate way to distract myself. and I have FOUND it.

It's sunny here, and I don't know of any good places to sunbathe nearby, so I figured out how to get onto the apartment building roof. There's this ladder that starts in the back garden just above head height, but I can get onto it by sorta walking up the building. I have just solicited a string bikini top from my roommate, and I'll throw my genetics study stuff into my backpack and go hike it on up there. Basta! Distraction created.

Cut and Paste is still my favourite . . .

2005-04-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I went to make a little comment on Droo's page http://exitsection.blogspot.com/2005/03/supreme-court-to-hear-case-on-ten.html
. . and it wasn't so little. Here it is.

I was turned off by that case about the ten commandments as well. It reminded me of when I was 6 and I asked if I could edit the God bit out of my Brownie pledge (to God, the Queen and my country etc.). I can still remember how insulted I felt when I was told that I had to just say it anyways, whether I believed in or understood anything about God. I like to be honest, and I wanted my pledge to be honest so it could mean something to me.

How are people who don't see themselves included in Christianity supposed to feel about a legal system that is claimed to be morally founded in the Christian ten commandments? Will this encourage them to put their faith in the laws of their country as being valid and just? Will they feel equal under these laws, and want to abide by them? I have problems believing in the justness of a system that is not inclusive of all the people involved.

I am the daughter of an Atheist, but was still encouraged to make up my own mind about religions. Long before my entry into Brownies another kid in the sandbox told me that I couldn't go to Heaven unless I believed in God and Jesus as my saviour. I was confused. I thought that good people went to heaven, if there was one. I was told that a murderer who repented and believed would go to heaven, whereas no matter how good I was, if I didn't believe, I couldn't get in. I was shocked. I still am. A public system that favours one religion puts a bad taste in my mouth.

An improvement on mass emails, I hope

2005-04-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome, one and . . . well, probably just one, because probably just one friend will be polite enough to read this. Hi Keltie.
So, I feel like ending this post now so I can check if I will be able to see it. . . but I feel impelled to say something meaningful first. Uh, Watch This Space, something will eventually come to me.

I was inspired into this blog effort by a few things . . . in part by a post from some dude I don't know (friend of Keltie's it appears, blogname of Droo) who has some interesting stuff about boiling frogs and the ten commandments. I love bantering about important or thought provoking issues in a less formal setting. Also, for friends that I don't see often and basically just keep up with electronically, and always wonder if I have mentioned the beginning/end of my latest brainwave or relationship etc . . . now they can all start from the same page. Mine.

-Lu