3rd Article - Anger Management

“How-to” Tips

Anger is a natural response that everyone has. There are many specific things that can cause anger (someone using your ideas and not giving you credit for them, a belittling comment made by a coworker, an unexpectedly poor test mark) but they all boil down to two basic causes:

Frustration (not getting what we want, especially if we were expecting to get it)

Feeling that others do not respect us, or care how we feel.

Everyone feels angry at one time or another, but we all need to be able to deal with our anger in a way that is respectful to others and to ourselves.

First, recognize how you feel and what made you feel that way. Take some deep breaths to help your body relax, and start solving the problem by working through your own feelings. Are you mad because a coworker took your stapler when you needed it, or are you mad because you feel like the person didn’t help out all week though you repeatedly mentioned a harsh work overload? Sort out what actually made you angry, and then decide how to appropriately deal with the issue.

Remember, if you are mad at someone, it is often because you THINK the person meant to be disrespectful or uncaring. It is very possible that you misread their motive – or they didn’t get your message. Most arguments start from misunderstanding. Managing anger often means managing communication - are you sure the other person is aware of your problem, and intentionally ignoring it? Make sure you are on the same page.

Express yourself – as long as it won’t do more harm than good in the long run. In most cases, you can tell others how you feel in a non-confrontational way. Being assertive is not being aggressive – use a lot of “I” sentences. Just think: wouldn’t you be more considerate if someone says “I feel like you didn’t understand me when I asked . . .” as opposed to “You aren’t listening to me! You were told . . .”

Sometimes going to the person who made you angry just isn’t a good idea. If that is the case, vent to a friend. They will probably sympathize, and maybe make some suggestions. If you can, take a mini-break and go for a short walk, or create a mental escape such as singing to the radio when you are stuck in traffic.

And don’t forget – sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes you can’t change a situation, and you only hurt yourself when you stay angry at something beyond your control. It is better to forgive – though this can be the hardest coping strategy, it is the most powerful. Make the conscious decision not to hold something against someone. It won’t change the past, but neither will holding on to your anger.